| ChromeDragon |
Well we got a style exercise assignment for grammar this past week where we're required to take a piece of contemporary writing and convert it's style. I chose to take a piece of writing done in an informal style and convert it to academic.
I'm sure many of you are familiar with the original. Please don't be intimidated by the size, quite a few people have read this and told me that they could hardly read because of the tears in their eyes from laughing so hard.
“Baby Got Back” – Sir Mix-A-Lot
I admire large hindquarters and I can not speak in a facetious manner. You other male siblings can not validly contradict that when a female arrives with a diminutive midsection and a spherical object in close proximity to your head, you are able to avoid arousal. You want to avoid staring because you have noticed those hindquarters are shapely. Deep in the denim pantaloons she is currently residing, my eye is captured and I am unable to look away. Oh, newborn child I would like some valuable time with you for taking photographs. My colleagues attempted to provide me with warning, but your gluteus maximus creates feelings of arousal in my trousers. Oooh prime beef cut of smooth epidermis, you inform me that you would like to be transported in my automobile. Well you can take advantage of me, take advantage of me, because I am not your stereotypical fair weather friend.
I have witnessed them gyrating in a rhythmic fashion, the devils residence with attempting to seduce. She is perspiring, no longer dry, and has raised her sexual appeal to a level in comparison with a turbo-charged American sports car.
I am annoyed with periodicals stating that non-curved rear ends are what I should prefer. A poll of average African-American males will tell you that they prefer females that have large hindquarters.
So gentlemen (yes) gentlemen (yes), does your significant other have a mass of flesh protruding from her rear pelvic region? Well gyrate it, gyrate it, gyrate it, gyrate it, gyrate your well taken care of hindquarters. Newborn has a spinal column.
I am partial to them being spherical and of large proportions. When I am holding a concert recital I am unable to control my urges. In fact I am acting much like a member of the animal kingdom. Now here is my Enron.
I would like to bring you to my dwelling and make a grunting noise, then repeat that grunting noise two more times for effect. I am not speaking about Hugh Hefner’s monthly publication, because I feel that silicone devices were made for children’s amusement. I prefer to have them of ample proportion and with the moisture extracted from fruit. So please locate that twice increased portion of fruit moisture extract, the writer of this literary piece is in peril.
I am now appealing for a portion of that spherical gas filled liquid film. For when I study rock and/or roll music videos, they are causing distress to these profligates traversing like gardening tools. You may retain your profligates, I will continue to obtain my female companions much like a scientific program designed for flow cytometric data. An informational fact for the substantial spirit female sibling, I would like to spend time in your acquaintance. I will not speak with excessive profanity or bring a blow upon you. I do have to express my honest feelings when I state that I would like to – until the large sphere of burning gases eclipses the horizon to the east of our current location. Newborn has the correct idea. Many men who take advantage of women for their own profit will not be supporters of this piece of literature because they are only able to procure sexual relations from a female by speaking to them in a facetious manner. But I myself would rather remain in this position and cavort because I am of generous length, tenacious and I am copasetic with proceeding to agitate vigorously.
So mistresses (yes), mistresses (yes), would you like to receive transportation in my German-built motorcar? (yes). Then rotate one hundred and eighty degrees and protrude your hindquarters in my direction. Even the Caucasian gentlemen can not resist exclaiming, newborn has a spinal column.
:bigthumbup:
Chromey |
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| ChromeDragon |
Just for comparisons sake in case you can't recall all of the lyrics.
Baby Got Back By Sir Mix-A-Lot
*rap*
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got
Make Me so horney
Ooh, rump of smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my benz
Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's Sweat,Wet, got it goin like a turbo vette
I'm tired of magazines
Saying flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
Baby got back
I like'em round and big
And when I'm throwin a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And UH, double up UH UH
I aint talkin bout playboy
Cuz silicone parts were made for toys
I wannem real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mixalot's in trouble
Beggin for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Knockin these bimbos walkin like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won't cus or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --
Til the break of dawn
Baby Got it goin on
Alot of pimps won't like this song
Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)
Do you wanna roll in my Mercedes (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back
I cut it off because my piece was already running way too long, but you get the idea. :bow: |
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| Copper |
Academic:
Well done, I am very amused!
Contemporary:
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!bwahahahahahaahahaha, thats great! |
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| Anonymoose |
| Nice. Well that filled my daily quotient for the word "pantaloons". |
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| BlueBlur |
aahahahahaha...
"now here is my Enron"
ahahahaahahah
allalahahaahahaah
:blink: |
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| ChromeDragon |
| :bigthumbup: |
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| MightyMidget |
Matt, have I ever told you that you are my hero?? :wub: :wub: cause you are..... :bigthumbup: :bigthumbup: :bigthumbup:
S |
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| ChromeDragon |
| Thanks Steve, I always knew it, just wanted to hear you say it though! :blink: |
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| import_3000 |
| hhahahahhah, thats hilarious!!! |
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| DeathBy240 |
For my assignment I took a 'Journalistic' style article from the journal and changed it into an 'advertisment copy' type ad. Heres my assignment: This is the original. It has been updated since I did the assigment so its not word for word anymore, which kinda takes away the affect.
The disappearance of a cadet from Royal Military College ended in tragedy yesterday when the body of Officer Cadet Joe Grozelle was found in Lake Ontario, three weeks after he vanished from his barracks without a trace.
A pedestrian spotted the 21-year-old honours student's body floating face down in the water not far from the military college campus on the Kingston, Ont., waterfront.
When police arrived, the body had washed ashore on a causeway and bridge connecting downtown Kingston to the peninsula where the military college is located.
Officer Cadet Grozelle was in his third year of studying to become a logistics officer in the Canadian Forces.
Military investigators, provincial and municipal police combed the grounds of the college and the adjacent shores for almost two weeks following the cadet's disappearance, but found no sign of him.
Hans Westenberg, the coroner who identified the body, said an autopsy will be performed in Kingston today and would not speculate on how the young cadet came to be in the water or how long he had been dead. But he added: "It is quite obvious that the body has been in the water for a little while."
Officer Cadet Grozelle was last seen studying in his barracks room, by his girlfriend, another third-year cadet. She told investigators she fell asleep in his room at about 1 a.m. and woke up four hours later to find him gone.
His cellphone and wallet were left on his desk and a half-finished essay was still on the screen of his computer.
And here is MY version:
Royal Military College is the place for you! Located in Kingston, Ontario the College looks onto the beautiful Lake Ontario, where our student ‘body’ is often found! You will love the lake so much - you will probably end up dead there too!
The chance of being brutally murdered is unlikely at our campus – but it’s an option. After three years of study you can be snatched away from your loved ones, NEVER to see them again! You too can be a common household name like Joe Grozzelle!
Lifeless and decomposing your body will be dumped in front of the college. What’s a better way to show devotion to school than death? It’s an opportunity not just for you, but for the citizens that find your rotting carcass!
Best of all, your killer will never be found. By the time the cops arrive all the clues will have simply rotted away! They will drag your body off the shore and take you to the hospital – at no extra charge! If all goes well your remains will be identified and your 15 minutes of fame begin! You will be the talk of the town!
You and your new found fame will reach superstar status! Your name will buzz on campus, in the police station, and in the medical community. Your corpse will even receive a visit from the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service! Now is your chance to follow in Grozzelle’s footsteps! Also included is support and counseling from military and police personnel for your beloved family – best of all you don’t pay a cent!
Police will say they can’t figure out why anyone would be motivated to kill you. Simple! They don’t know the true power of school spirit! |
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| ChromeDragon |
| ROFLMAO!!! Dave that was awesome!!!! :bow: |
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| SlowAzzPorsche911T |
:bigthumbup:
bwhahahah
it just wouldn't be the same if it was said like that |
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