| masterv |
"I wanna get rich! I wanna get rich!"
No joke, who likes to be poor anyways? There are those rich people who say, "I'd much rather be an average person than being wealthy." Uh, reality check dude. So you'd much rather drive a 1985 Dodge Colt than some fancy new Lexus? You'd rather eat canned tuna instead of fresh seafood? Seafood soup to the poor folks is just the tuna water they get in those cans. You'd be stupid to wish you were poor instead of rich, retarded yuppies.
Ok, I'll rant about rich people another time, but let's talk about getting rich. Yes, there are the conventional methods to prosperity... prostitution, pimping, theft, and drug dealing, but what about the unconventional methods? I mean, it's not like money grows on trees, we've got to be creative sometimes to earn a few extra bucks. So here goes my version of the "Paths to Prosperity: Chinese New Years Edition."
Hmm... just in time for Chinese New Years. So you all know about the red pocket money, right? You say "gong xi fa cai" (basically you congratulate them to prosperity) to some Chinese person who is married and they're obliged to give you some red pocket money. That's right, they have to! So yeah, if they're going to be giving money out, why not do what you Americans do best? Exploitation!
One thing you've got to know beforehand is where Chinese people hang around during New Years. In no particular order, here goes nothing... Buddhist temples, Chinatown, restaurants that serve dim sum, the produce section in supermarkets, and for those lucky/unlucky enough to live in a large Chinese community, Chinese malls.
Am I serious? Hell yeah! One thing Chinese people can't lose is shame. They all need to keep "face." So if you say the magic words, you'll get your money. If you say the words and he/she doesn't give you any money, this is where you put out your hands. Trust me, it'll work because if someone doesn't give you the red pocket money when you congratulate them, it's bad luck and rumors spread like cheese whiz in the Chinese community about them being cheap. They must have "face." Put the pressure on and you'll be collecting in no time. Speaking of shame, you must have no shame to be asking all these people. How low you stoop will determine how much you make?
"But Buddhist temples? It's sacred area!"
Oh right, I'm not a religious man, so I got no worries there. Well, if you got a conscience, then it just sucks to be you.
"So all I do is just go to these places and ask people?"
Yes, that's the idea. But do have some tricks up your sleeve. Just because you asked the mother of the family, it doesn't mean that you can't hit that same family twice! Grandparents are a good source too. Ok, I sound like scum making money off of grandparents, but this is once a year and it's all about "wishing people good fortune," what's wrong with that?
"But I'm not Chinese, what good will this do?"
Now did anyone tell you that all Asians look alike? Sure, we can tell the difference in their teeny little eyes or their odd shade in skin color, but to the average white person, we all look alike! On a side note, I think all you white people look alike too. It doesn't matter if you're Japanese or Korean, Chinese or whatever, just learn the words "gong xi fa cai" and you'll be smooth sailing.
You catch all of that? Go into Chinese New Years without regard for shame and morals and you'll make some good money. One of my friends collected over $200 by spending 4 hours at a Buddhist temple. Canadian dollars mind you, but it's still worth something. Just remember the old adage, well, mine's at least... "money and pride don't mix." |
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