| REFLUX |
The 5 Questions Most Feared by Men Are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the
truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses:
Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"
Question #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh yeah, tons.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
Question #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper
response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a *insert expensive car* and a Boat")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not-don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Uh oh. |
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| snugs |
| i thought this was going to be a poll... :( |
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| rexxrally |
I don't know about 5 questions, but I know about the 3 little words that men fear the most:
"Hold My Purse"
:p |
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| Billy |
| Haha! Those were funny. |
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| oldraven |
quote:
Originally posted by rexxrally
I don't know about 5 questions, but I know about the 3 little words that men fear the most:
"Hold My Purse"
:p
Or.. "but my pants don't have pockets".
Here's a solution, sweety. Buy some fucking pants with some pockets. :rolleyes: Guys, we've got to boycot the cargo pants, before they start calling us 'mule' instead of 'deer'. |
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| Inzane |
quote:
Originally posted by REFLUX
1. What are you thinking about?
I hate this one the most. Married or not, you shouldn't be obligated to tell anyone what you are thinking at any given moment. If a person (man or woman) can't have any privacy at least within their own thoughts, they have nothing.
quote:
3. Do I look fat?
I actually goofed on this one recently, totally by accident. I was riding in the car one day with my wife and she had casually mentioned that she thought she was gaining weight. I was really tired and not really thinking and casually replied:
"Why, how fat are you?"
:blink:
OOps, what I had meant to ask obviously was how heavy was she (ie. what'd the bathroom scale tell her). :lol: |
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| snugs |
quote:
Originally posted by Inzane
I was really tired and not really thinking and casually replied:
"Why, how fat are you?"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| REFLUX |
hahahaha oh man that's great Inzane
what was her reaction??? |
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| oldraven |
| And you lived to tell the tale. :thumbup: |
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| SketchifisT |
good stuff terry, The best thing to do if they ask you to hold there bag or purse, Hold it as a girl would, after they look and see that you are doin it they will take it back no questions asked.
I did it once as a gay joke for my friend and he was laughin, my girlfriend was so embarrased in the store she grabbed the purse and just walked out leavin the item she wanted to buy LOL. Never again did she ask me to hold the purse |
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| 95EagleAWD |
"she can't, she's left handed"
Oops :lol:
Good list.
But the worst one is "what do I want to eat?"
How the hell do I know?:dunno: |
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| REFLUX |
quote:
Originally posted by 95EagleAWD
But the worst one is "what do I want to eat?"
How the hell do I know?:dunno:
No man that's the best question, all you got to do for an answer is to look directly into her eyes then look at your crotch.
Repeat if the message doesn't come clear within 1-2 seconds.
:D |
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| red88.n/a.rx |
quote:
Originally posted by REFLUX
No man that's the best question, all you got to do for an answer is to look directly into her eyes then look at your crotch.
Repeat if the message doesn't come clear within 1-2 seconds.
:D
:thumbup: :D |
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| Flex |
When asked most of those questions, especially the one about being fat, the only answer that really works is
"You want me to answer that.......what do you think Im stupid or something???" |
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| GOT BOOST |
Hi Terry,
Good thread. For me, I do not fear those questions. The best way to avoide the "instant death" answer is to answer the questions with questions. This works well in almost al situations.
1. What are you thinking about?
Answer: Why do you not tell me what is on your mind?
2. Do you love me?
Answer: What makes you think that I do not?
3. Do I look fat?
Answer: What makes you think you are overweight?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
Answer: Why do you think she would be prettier than you?
5. What would you do if I died
Answer: That is a tough question to answer. What would you do?
These responses will put the ball in her court and hopefully distract her enough that she will forget the question. This will also alow you to make adjustnments as necessary to help to provide the right answer if asked again! It can also lead to a long conversation too. LOL
Mike Nikolai |
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| REFLUX |
| Hmmm...Mike...good suggestions but I don't think it would get you very far because women will just say: "Don't avoid the question." or "So you DO think I'm fat?!" |
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| GOT BOOST |
quote:
Originally posted by REFLUX
Hmmm...Mike...good suggestions but I don't think it would get you very far because women will just say: "Don't avoid the question." or "So you DO think I'm fat?!"
Hi Terry,
Yes, It is always a possibility that they would throw what I like to call the "Instant Death Statement" at you. :lol: At which point it may be best to bite the bullet and tell them the truth. Your nuts may hurt for a while, but at least it takes the guess work out of it. :lol:
Mike Nikolai |
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| 95EagleAWD |
quote:
Originally posted by REFLUX
No man that's the best question, all you got to do for an answer is to look directly into her eyes then look at your crotch.
Repeat if the message doesn't come clear within 1-2 seconds.
:D
:lol:
:bowdown: |
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| Z32NUT |
quote:
Originally posted by Inzane
I hate this one the most. Married or not, you shouldn't be obligated to tell anyone what you are thinking at any given moment. If a person (man or woman) can't have any privacy at least within their own thoughts, they have nothing.
I actually goofed on this one recently, totally by accident. I was riding in the car one day with my wife and she had casually mentioned that she thought she was gaining weight. I was really tired and not really thinking and casually replied:
"Why, how fat are you?"
:blink:
OOps, what I had meant to ask obviously was how heavy was she (ie. what'd the bathroom scale tell her). :lol:
Given her serious nature Jason, I'm guessing that there was no need for the A/C for a few hours.....D'Oh!! |
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| Markgase2000 |
quote:
Originally posted by REFLUX
The 5 Questions Most Feared by Men Are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
I thought Id have fun and make this observation myself using your 5. These were my answers........
1.)Cars , "got slapped."
2.)Of course you complete me. (using dr evils hand gestures) "got an awwwwww cute"
3.)No you look Haw3t :) , "got it on"
4.)No shes got funny skin....
5.) Id be devestated I dont want to discuss this any further... "got a hug"
She will ask again tommorow and the day after and the day after that so I gotem memorized cept I always screw up #1. |
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