| Is it bad if ur boyfriend is hanging out with his ex girlfriend??? - Click HERE for Original Thread |
| twix_baby! |
I'm just having this really tiny problem, atleast i hope its tiny!
My boyfriend recently started like talking to his ex-girlfriend after not speaking to her for like a whole year.
It started off by her calling him asking for things she might have left at his house. You know like school text books and stuff. After that she like asked him if he wanted to like go for coffee or anything like that. They have seen each other like 3 times for coffee but now they see each other all the time at the U of A cause she suddenly goes there too.
I've talked to him about it, but he's always saying how nothing is going on. I havent met her yet and i dont know how she looks.
I know i shouldnt worry cause i totally trust him, but !!!Fuck!! i dont trust her!!!!!!
totally needing advice!
-twix:dunno: or......:mad: |
|
|
| ae1969 |
Should you worry........ No.
If something happens......there is no way you can avoid it. It will either happen now......or later.
No point going through life worrying about your relationship.
Now there are things that can be done to avoid situations that end up leading to something else...etc....
IMO Some things are not appropriate ....
ex. meeting up with an ex for coffee
ex. hanging out with her at school (having lunch etc)
ex. accidently running into her at the bar (no such things as accidents)
...but your boyfriend is in control of that aspect of his life.
A lot of times you will get that feeling some thing is going on. The funny thing is that your gut instinct is normally correct.
Lets face it he did not speak to her for a year........and now they want to chat? Pffffffttt.
I have played those games. I am just getting sinical at my age. :) |
|
|
| lilweiner |
| coffee huh.... yeah i've heard that one before, then you drive by and see your gf with her head in this guys lap..... And yeah apparently they were going out for coffee... Weirdiest way to drink coffee i ever seen in my life.... she must have spilt some on his lap and was just...... lapping it up...... good luck. |
|
|
| REFLUX |
These guys have some good ideas so there isn't much I can add.
But what I WILL add is that if you have this concern with your boyfriend, talk to him about it.
Be serious (but not in a pissy way).
Just tell him that you don't like it that he's seeing his ex AT ALL.
If he is serious about you, he would respect your wishes and stop it.
Think of it this way, if you were seeing YOUR ex as much as he sees HIS ex, how would he feel?
Bottom line, communication communication communication.
You will never know until you talk about it.
Assumptions get you no where, neither does worrying.
Deal with the problem, don't just let it sit & boil over.
Good luck! |
|
|
| kypraio |
quote:
Originally posted by lilweiner
coffee huh.... yeah i've heard that one before, then you drive by and see your gf with her head in this guys lap..... And yeah apparently they were going out for coffee... Weirdiest way to drink coffee i ever seen in my life.... she must have spilt some on his lap and was just...... lapping it up...... good luck.
Maybe he was cold and put her coffee cup on his crotch to warm up. :p Yeah i would probably start checking the call logs on his cellphone and shit like that cause usually after a year and just randomly wanting to talk again as said before is kind of odd.
-Matt |
|
|
| TrevorK |
I'm a guy - and I'll tell you straight up.
There are only two times a guy will hide something like that, and just play it off non-chalauntly - either he's trying to make you jealous or he's doing something he wants to keep a secret.
It's one of the above.
Either way - it's the communication between the two of you that'll sort this out. He should have no problem respecting your wishes, afterall, would he want you to go out with an ex-boyfriend of yours? |
|
|
| snugs |
If it was a girlfried issue, I'd say she's cheating or looking to cheat... and since its a boyfriend thing then I'd have to go with cheating or looking to cheat.... with the possibility being that buddy is just completely oblivous to how bad the situation looks.
The difference is that when a chick does this, she knows what she's doing... guys... well, we just ain't that smart about this stuff. :) |
|
|
| afropuff |
quote:
Originally posted by REFLUX
These guys have some good ideas so there isn't much I can add.
But what I WILL add is that if you have this concern with your boyfriend, talk to him about it.
Be serious (but not in a pissy way).
Just tell him that you don't like it that he's seeing his ex AT ALL.
If he is serious about you, he would respect your wishes and stop it.
Think of it this way, if you were seeing YOUR ex as much as he sees HIS ex, how would he feel?
Bottom line, communication communication communication.
You will never know until you talk about it.
Assumptions get you no where, neither does worrying.
Deal with the problem, don't just let it sit & boil over.
Good luck!
totally agree, communication is always number one |
|
|
| lilweiner |
quote:
Originally posted by snugs
If it was a girlfried issue, I'd say she's cheating or looking to cheat... and since its a boyfriend thing then I'd have to go with cheating or looking to cheat.... with the possibility being that buddy is just completely oblivous to how bad the situation looks.
The difference is that when a chick does this, she knows what she's doing... guys... well, we just ain't that smart about this stuff. :)
hahaha.... ya i think yer right... |
|
|
| bluecargirl666 |
i hear ya girl..
boys can be really slow when it comes to recognizing what they might or might not be doing to a relationship. Maybe they are going for coffee.. i would ask, why the sudden interest?
I dont know who suggested she go through phone logs? little weird for me. I know its hard to say right out, wtf are you up to? because you might be afraid of the answer.
Meet her! Just be like 'why dont the 3 of us hang out?' See whats really going on girl :P God gave us more brains, now use em! |
|
|
| sleeper_ |
| Aside from the circumstances outlined, there can be relationships with exes where you're strictly friends with the other. BUT for the most part in most circumstances, be wary. |
|
|
| Adam |
Dump him before he dumps you......brutal reality but thats usally how it goes down, its a race. Being dumped always hurts more than dumping.
.02 |
|
|
| SilverNeonRacer |
My wife.. when we where still dating used to hang out with her ex all the time.. mind you he's a twit and there's no way in hell she's go back to him, she'd kill him first. and if he tried anything, she's kill him.
Shoot he was my best man at the wedding.
Just be straight forward and inquire about the sudden interest in his ex and see if he squirms when you ask. |
|
|
| SketchifisT |
All depends on what there relationship what like before. If it was strong, if it was there first love or were they just friends with benefits. All these things decide what the issue is.
If they were friends that then became a relationship, then you have less to worry about because its more of a friendship then. But if it was a serious relationship maybe even his or hers first love then that attraction will always be there, does that mean they will act on it?? No but that being said going on a coffee date or something is a little odd in my opinion.
Best thing to do is to talk about it, guys sometimes blow it off and dont think its a huge deal because girls go out with guy friends all the time. Thats another thing to girls dont lie about going out with a friend thats a guy cause that just makes it twice as bad, i dont care you have coffee with a old school friend but when the old school friend is your best girlfriend and your going shoppin then theres questions.
But yes like reflux said talk to him about, and discuss it only way to figure it out. This being said guys are just as smart as girls, and ima let you girls in on a secret guys act like we dont know whats going on, and you forgive us for it cause you actually thinkl we are that stupid. Guys use this to there advantage , not all guys but most, they will be like OHHHHHHHHHHHH i didn't know sorry, when they knew about it , they just got caught so now they are sorry.
So yeah dont think that we are just naive and dont know whats going on. The difference between guys and girls is guys get caught and admit to it quicker, girls just stick to there guns and dont give in.
But to your exact problem just talk about it , For me what i did whenever i was going to see an ex-girlfriend i would take a friend along with me. Make it so if the situation got edgy i could always pull some BS , be like OHHh buddy needs to be somewhere. I think you dont have a problem but either way discuss it, its completely natural to feel edgy that YOUR boyfriend is with his ex. |
|
|
| budx2002 |
after a year of not talking ,you should ask if the girl has a man . if not shut it down !
men are dogs
I'm a man and I'm a dog
I'm a man with a wife and have never cheated after 10 years
I'm still a dog
Temptation is a strong drug and the thrill of trying not to get caught is just a catalyst.
you need to do what you think is right for you! |
|
|
| Markgase2000 |
YES!
Its unhealthy for you! |
|
|
| REFLUX |
quote:
Originally posted by budx2002
men are dogs
I'm a man and I'm a dog
I'm a man with a wife and have never cheated after 10 years
I'm still a dog
Jeez man, I know feminists who cut men more slack than you do.
Don't paint the entire Male gender with such a broad stroke.
Just because you have trouble keeping your wang under control doesn't make all men "dogs."
It's not so black & white, there is a huge grey area as to what is considered cheating, unloyal, etc.
Some would think fantasizing about another person to be cheating, others think it not. |
|
|
| lilweiner |
| We should just settle this with a huge 780 gang bang .... cept i think there is only like 4 girls on this site.... sooo maybe not such a hot idea. As long as casanova stays away from my ass i think it will be okay though. :blink: :fingersx: |
|
|
| midnite |
quote:
Originally posted by twix_baby!
They have seen each other like 3 times for coffee but now they see each other all the time at the U of A cause she suddenly goes there too.
she suddenly goes there too? you mean she enrolled into university and is paying thousands of dollars for an education just to spend some time with him? maybe you are over reacting a little. :p
not all men are dogs like that one guy put it, he's only speaking for himself. ask your bf why he's spending so much time with her, you can tell a lot from how he reacts. talk with him about it. use your intuition, and get second opinions from people who know you and your bf. don't blind yourself with jealousy, but don't be naive either.
i don't think anyone on here can make a valid assertian because we simply don't know you, him, the situation, personalities, and other dynamics involved. |
|
|
| scooby_dooby |
Jeez what ever happened to TRUST?
You have to be more self confident, he won't do anything he doesn't want to do.
If he does cheat the fuck em, obviously not someone you would want to be with anyways.
Otherwise it just COFFEE, relax, you can't control him and if he wants to cheat he will, you just have to be secure in who you are amd realize anyone who would cheat on you, is not worth being with anyways.
Once you decide that you see there's really no point in being jelous, you either trust or you don't, they either love you or they don't, it's that simple. |
|
|
| lilweiner |
| hes fucking her..... defnitly... prolly in alot better positions than he ever used on you too... uh huh...hes tryin to give her the orgasm of a life time.... yeah dump his ass. |
|
|
| twix_baby! |
like i said, i trust him, but i dont trust her! they were dating for a year, but it was like on and off type relationship, even when they werent dating, they would have alot of one night stands together. She was apparently a very sexual girl! This is the part that i'm worried about. she was dating some guy but she single again. and all of a sudden she wants to be "friends" with my bf??
....yea right! |
|
|
| REFLUX |
| So twix_baby, what are you going to do? |
|
|
| twix_baby! |
the same thing my mom did when she found out that my father was cheating on her....confront the little bitch. ofcourse in my case its not so drastic yet, so basically i'll become her new best friend.
you know what they say...keep your friends close but ur enemies closer!! |
|
|
| ehos |
Bad move IMO, your BF might think you're the jealous stalker type.
Better move would be to give him no reason to be with his EX. Even for coffee. |
|
|
| Markgase2000 |
quote:
Originally posted by ehos
Bad move IMO, your BF might think you're the jealous stalker type.
Better move would be to give him no reason to be with his EX. Even for coffee.
Ya! Be allover him make him forget all about that girl by making him too "occupied" with love that would work! Cool idea just dont smother him too much lol!
:thumbup: and wow youll prolly forget all your troubles too :)
Good luck girl :) |
|
|
| ae1969 |
quote:
Originally posted by twix_baby!
the same thing my mom did when she found out that my father was cheating on her....confront the little bitch. ofcourse in my case its not so drastic yet, so basically i'll become her new best friend.
you know what they say...keep your friends close but ur enemies closer!!
Yeeeesshhhh...
Don't blame the game.........blame the player..
Thats your significant other if you haven't figured it out. |
|
|
| twix_baby! |
Can i just see a raise of hands of how many people actually try to still be close or are friends with their ex's
just like to see how rare it is. Or maybe its not. :confused: |
|
|
| ae1969 |
quote:
Originally posted by twix_baby!
Can i just see a raise of hands of how many people actually try to still be close or are friends with their ex's
just like to see how rare it is. Or maybe its not. :confused:
NEVER
Thats why I am saying what I am saying........
If I had kids with an Ex......sure you do it for the obvious reasons.
It would have to be a special case.......VERY SPECIAL.
It is my unwritten rule.
Actually.........my three best friends that I have known since elementary........HAVE never kept any ex's as friends.
They are all happily married at this point..... |
|
|
| REFLUX |
twix_baby:
Obviously since this forum is mainly guys you're going to hear of different ways to approaching your problem.
When you say you're going to confront & become friends with this girl, In My Opinion (IMO) you're making 2 mistakes:
1) Your bf may think you're being nosey & "stalkerish," especially if he knows you don't like this girl already then all of a sudden start spending time with her. You're no better than she is and you would be putting your bf in a similar situation as he put you. If I were him I would feel that you don't trust me enough to come & talk to me directly about it. That you have to go around, play games & talk to some total stranger before you would even trust me, your boyfriend.
2) What if this girl IS cheating with your boyfriend? And what if you become friends with her? Then you'll be befriending a cheater/home wrecker. I dont' know about you but I don't befriend nor associate with people who live life in a way I disagree with (i.e. drug dealers, thieves, etc). Think of the future, say you get another boyfriend, what would stop this girl from cheating with your new boyfriend?
If you don't like homewreckers, why would you befriend one? |
|
|
| RacerGirl |
| i am still friends with a couple of my ex's. As long as you have both moved on, I believe you can be friends. if there is still feelings involved, then it's not a real friendship. |
|
|
| SketchifisT |
Im a friend SORTA key word there sorta with one of my ex girlfriends, but i know if she ever came back it wouldn't be to be friends it would be something more so i understand that and just know it so if she calls up for coffee and i have a girlfriend i either go for the coffee for old time sake and tell her there or just dont even bother.
You will stay friends with your ex if you were good friends and shared a lot of secrets or held something special like went through a rough period in someones life it causes you to grow closer. That being said not everyone works as just friends.
Dont become a stalker just tell him straight up that it rubs you the wrong way that he is going out with his ex. And yes you are a tad jealous and he needs to prove to you that you have no reason to be. Gluck with this tho. |
|
|
|
|
|
