| Biggest regret of my life... - Click HERE for Original Thread |
| Seks |
I don't know if this will be brief but...
Coming up Dec 2 would (or will) be our 4 yr anniv. My gf and I always had time apart during the span of almost 4 yrs, sometimes few days at a time.
I broke up with her (let's call her Jane) end of past Aug because I was confused, I was frustrated, etc. of why we argue from time to time. I wanted her to be happy. She try to call me several times for the next 7 days but I never picked up.
She finally e-mailed me after 7 days asking what's going on...that the reason i broke up with her is becuz i can't make her happy. She wanted a real disclosure, she wanted to know what's on my mind, and why I did why I did. I never replied.
Next day, she called me saying she's comign over, wanted to talk things thru. I went to her car. She wanted a 2nd chance...she said she'll change herself. She was afraid to lose me. Initially I said no..I can't go back and if I do, I want time to think. But after 30-45 min I gave in and we got back together.
Over the next 2 wks, I realized that she was putting more effort than before in the relationship. But at the same time, I wasn't putting any effort. I broke it off again with her. I told her I'll call her but I never did. At this point, I was just messed up, didn't know what I want.
Sept 28 was my bday and she dropped by with a galfriend of ours. Jane didn't get out of the car but galfriend did. Came to the door, handed me a bday card and ask me if I was going to talk to Jane. I said yes. I opened the card....basically ti said "u're special...etc...happy bday....just wanna wish u happy bday..miss you..Jane". I never did contacted her.
For the next 7-10 days after my bday, I thought and thought and thought...and no I didn't talk to her or contact her. My mind was clear and I realized that I love her very much and I do want to be with her for the rest of my life. So I tried calling her a few times for a few days. She never picked up, I didn't know why.
The week of Oct 10 is when I found out there's this guy (let's call him John) that she's been bringing out to meet my friends, etc. Immediately my heart sank and I called and called and called.
She finally picked up and asked me waht the hell I wanted. I said I wanted to talk things over. She goes, no you don't..u're already moved on, I don't have tim eto talk to u right now. I'm like how can I be and I can never just lose feelings. I know I shouldn't 've done this but that's when my emotions took over and said "u don't have time to talk right now is becuz of JOHN?".
To make it brief from then until now, I showed up at her place twice in a span of almost 4 weeks when she told me specifcally not to. She wanted to be left alone (Even the a couple of the girls (our friends) told me to leave her alone for now). I was stubborn..I let my emotions took over. I managed to get into her locked room with her in there the 2nd time I was at her place . I noticed when I was in there, a bunch of our pix were still up. That 2nd time was 2 weeks ago on past monday.
The past monday, halloween, i went with one of the girls to her place. This time I had a card. The card is basically "i wish i can go back time..to change things...but we can't...etc..but i assure u one thing..i love you"...i have a scan image of it if u guys wanna see it. The girl got out of my car, and passed it on to jane's 9 yr old sibling. She also called Jane to tell her that there's something from me. She said Jane sounded annoyed but she said that it's just Jane hiding her true feelings (true or not i dunno).
This is what I can tell you or have heard:
1. Jane recently joined a new company 2-3 months ago. The reason she did that was because the company is located closer to where I live and Jane wants to be able to drop by after work to see me. We live about 30-35 min of driving apart. And also, higher salary so us both can save up, move out together, and plan for future. I was too dumb to realize that.
2. John supposedly is a very recent divorcee and is Jane's supervisor. Both are not going out though..they're getting to know each other and hanging around..not sure how often though.
This is what I've been told, advised, bitched at by other friends, or have realized myself:
1. I started to take things for granted once I got to the comfort level.
2. I stopped doing the little things out of the ordinary, ie, bring lunch to her at work, just the little things.
3. I was not who I was almost 4 yrs ago when we started going out.
4. I don't compliment her that much.
5. I don't pay much attention to her.
6. I sometimes keep things all to myself. I couldn't express my feelings to her...stopped saying I LOVE YOU.
7. When she brings up the topic of engagement, moving out, etc. I scoff the topics off.
At this instant..and for the past few of my shitty weeks...my thoughts are...
I DO LOVE HER VERY MUCh and I do wanna be with her for the rest of my life. It was all my fault that I didn't try to put effort into the relationship based on the 7 points above. I really really really regret it.
Right now, all I do is wait. I am willing and commited to do anything to be with her again. All I want right now, at this moment, is for her to give me the chance to prove myself that I don't want to be my old boring self anymore and that I am a "new" person or the person I used to be initially.
Any commments? (seriously plzz...) :( |
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| lilweiner |
| wow, thats really pouring your heart out.... Man just give her some time, see once in awhile if she wants to go out for coffee or anything like that, or whatever you guys do. But i know this is not going to make you feel any better but, everything happens for a reason, and if you really love her that much, just give her the time, and dont be jealous of anything thats going on, maybe shes just taking her time, too see how much you really want her back, and even if she does go out with someone else, it may work, or it may show her what she is missing in her life with you. And maybe your just panicing right now, because now you have to start all over again with someone else and the last 4 years of good memories with her is lost.... but its not really, maybe you guys wont date for a year or so... maybe you will. there are far more important things to stress about in life, besides women.... cause if you cant make yourself happy and content in your life without a woman, then you will never be content for any period of time with a woman. Just look after yourself, stay out of depression, and the rest will work out. |
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| stevemo600 |
Dude from reading that pretty hefty story, it shows that you're a pretty good guy that is willing to, now, put in the effort for his girl. I hope things work out with this "Jane" because I know that's what you'd want to happen, but it seems like you're in a different state of mind right now and if you end up moving onto a different girl, then you'll treat her much better than if this never happened.
Wait it out man and don't force her into anything. I know it's tough cause emotions are so influential, but just let it work out how it's supposed to. Forcing her to make a decision will make her much more likely to forget about it and never give it a chance again.
Good luck with everything and best advice I can give you is...don't force anything. Just let it work itself out. |
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| jean-yus |
Sometimes.. things arent meant to be. Half-healed scars just keep reminding you, and I'm gonna go with this divorcee guy is attractive because hes proven he can go all the way.
Look I know u know u screwed up, but do u not think u only want her now because she's lost interest (on the surface anyway) ? |
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| REFLUX |
I've always said that Communication is The Most important thing in any relationship.
But there are times when silence is the best way to communicate.
You wanted time to think when she wanted to talk and now that you want to talk, it looks like she wants time to think.
Sounds like she waited for you during your "alone" time, maybe you should give her some space as well.
Let her know your intentions (but not repeatedly, no more than 2x) and that you want to talk but understand she may be needing some time alone right now.
4 years + major life choices to accomodate your S.O. does not just fade away in an instant, so it is more than likely she still has you on her mind (like you mentioned, the pictures in her room).
What's done is done and what is most important now is the next few steps. And, IMO, the next step is to talk with her when she is ready.
Sometimes just saying what's on your mind even without any cohesive structure can help sort things out. Especially if someone special is listening & is willing to help.
Don't rush getting back together because broken hearts don't just mend over night.
Take things slowly and make commitments to each other on agreed upon goals.
For example, a goal to spend Quality time with each other once a week.
Or even something smaller like speaking about 1 worry or concern with open minds & hearts per week.
Be HONEST. Like I already said, even if it doesn't make any sense when you're about to say it, just say it anyways. You're not doing her or yourself any favors by keeping your mouth shut. Less talking = more ambiguity.
Even if it comes out wrong and you piss her off, just tell her you didn't mean it like that, clear your head and say it again. More slowly and more thoughtfully.
Blurting it out is the first step :)
Even if you don't really know what the heck you're thinking or feeling, tell her that. Maybe she's going thru the same thing and will find comfort in sharing this discomfort with you?
Anyways to sum it all up, there are really only 2 points:
1) Give her space and talk to her when she is ready to talk.
2) Hopefully you two work things out and when you do, make sure you two talk a lot more. Be open & honest with each other.
Don't be afraid that talking about how you're scared of marriage (for example) will turn her off. If she really cares about you, she will see that you are brave enough to confront your fears and more importantly, confront them with her.
Good luck. |
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| Markgase2000 |
| You sound very passionate. Dont give up buddy keep on her suprise her more often tell her the things you figure you took for granted keep on her its worth it. Youll do fine so long as you really really want her and keep after her. Dont wait days to initiate , initiate at least once a day if more than once when you ask "Can I phone you later , come see you later?" Im not good for advice but your post was very touching so I wish you the best of luck. |
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| RacerGirl |
I am going ot have to disagree with you mark.
Don't keep on the girl, give her space. I agree with terry on what he mentioned as well.
Seks: you have to be totally honest with her, tell her exactly how you feel about everything. be prepared for her to not feel the same way as you. Try and give her the space she needs right now. I know it is very hard (I just went through a similar thing recently) but you have to think of her feelings, and try and give her the space you wanted when she was making the effort to talk to you
Have you really changed? Are you positive that you will not fall into old patterns if you do have this girl back? Don't listen to your mutual friends when it comes to how jane is feeling, ask her. Sometimes the hardest part is accepting how she feels.
I'll add more when I wake up a little bit. |
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| REFLUX |
I was going to also say something similar as what Crystal just mentioned.
About you changing.
Everyone's different & so is every relationship but In My Opinion....if you & Jane truly love each other, wouldn't you love each other for being exactly who they are?
I don't think love is the desire to change another person, it's the desire to care for the other person even though they have flaws.
It's good to read that both you & her are willing to change for each other, it shows that both of you want to walk forward together.
But I wouldn't suggest trying to change yourself or herself. For the most part, it is impossible.
You are who you are, she is who she is. Love her for all her qualities, good & bad just as she should love you for all your qualities, good & bad.
Just a side note, like Crystal, my gf & I went thru something similar to your hardships right now about a year ago. So you're not alone :) |
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| ae1969 |
Consider these life lessons.......... things happen for a reason.
Oddly enough you are far too young to even classify this as the biggest regret of your life.
20-30 years down the road you will have a good idea of what choices/decisions/mistakes led you to who you are.
The hardest part about failing relationships is actually letting go. |
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| Adam |
| IMO youre getting what you deserve, you put her through hell for a good while because you were confused and wouldnt talk to her. You shouldve talked to her to resolve your issues, you didnt...so now you lost out. |
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| colossus |
| Ok so you messed up. :smack: You need to decide if you really want her back, or are just going through grief and loss ambivalence. If it's the former, then buckle down for the long haul, and do nice things for her until she lets you back into her life, however don't smother her. If it's the latter, then stay calm, don't panic, start going out with your friends again until you are your old self. Either way you need to work through this. Life is uncertain, only death and taxes is certain. Hope things work out for you. |
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| sneakyCIVIC |
| yep the same thing happened to me and my girl of 4 years. we broke up several times though. about 6 to be honest. we are sort of back together right now,she moved in with me just last week. but i say be carefull what you think or say to her and be careful of what you think you really want.like for instance i went through the same shit you have been going through. and now we are seeing each other again,but now im not really sure if its what i want. i would definitely think this over. i dont think i gave myself enough time to think about the situation. |
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| S2KPWR |
| sounds like you just want her back cause she met a new guy? correct me if Im wrong. |
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| DelSoln |
quote:
Originally posted by S2KPWR
sounds like you just want her back cause she met a new guy? correct me if Im wrong.
This was what I was thinking. Is this another case of how someone becomes more desirable when you can't have her? |
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| Bad Egg |
This is a late response, but I will post anyway.
I knew a great girl years ago. She was funny, sexy, and intelligent, with a generous nature, who was dating a fellow for about a year. He was a great guy when he was with D, but sometimes he never called on weekends(so he could spend time with his friends). He was a great boyfried but not always there when he was needed. He finally proposed and D said she would think about it. That weekend she went out to a birthday party on a Saturday night after another week of no calls from the boyfriend. D met another guy who was very interested in her. The new guy put her first in his plans and married her within 2 years.
If you aren't there for your SO when you are needed emotionally or physically then you provide a need that someone else is going to fill.
She gave you lots of chances to come back. If she is rejecting your advances now, then you have waited too long and are starting to enter stalker territory. Your only hope is a well placed apology and offer to do anything it takes if she ever wants to return. Then it is your turn to wait, and if necessary, move on.
We are still married... |
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| 95EagleAWD |
quote:
Originally posted by Bad Egg
This is a late response, but I will post anyway.
I knew a great girl years ago. She was funny, sexy, and intelligent, with a generous nature, who was dating a fellow for about a year. He was a great guy when he was with D, but sometimes he never called on weekends(so he could spend time with his friends). He was a great boyfried but not always there when he was needed. He finally proposed and D said she would think about it. That weekend she went out to a birthday party on a Saturday night after another week of no calls from the boyfriend. D met another guy who was very interested in her. The new guy put her first in his plans and married her within 2 years.
If you aren't there for your SO when you are needed emotionally or physically then you provide a need that someone else is going to fill.
She gave you lots of chances to come back. If she is rejecting your advances now, then you have waited too long and are starting to enter stalker territory. Your only hope is a well placed apology and offer to do anything it takes if she ever wants to return. Then it is your turn to wait, and if necessary, move on.
We are still married...
Nice work on your part, sounds like! |
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| oldraven |
You said you have mutual friends. I think if you have any chance at all, you have to become her friend again, and not try to get her back as a girlfriend. She doesn't trust you anymore man. Hounding her won't help, but being a friend may get her trust back.
For now, I'd stop pursuing her. You broke into her room when she asked you not to even come over. Try and see that from her point of view. |
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| DeathBy240 |
| Haha sorry. I don't think its real. And Seks I dont really want you to do that, I just needed to post it somewhere.:D |
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| snugs |
quote:
Originally posted by oldraven
:eek:
That, my friend, is fucked up.
Shit with that kind of response I ain't gonna look at it now..... so you better describe it. :p |
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| bigmack000 |
red head kid with a gunto his head looking at the cam then boom left side of his head blew away
oh and Jt's cry me a river is playing lol
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| REFLUX |
So did things get sorted out?
What's the status on the situation? |
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| Seks |
Well, not to get into details, forgive and forget, life goes on and I'm taking things day by day...
Thanks for all the info though everyone.. |
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| REFLUX |
thanks for letting us know man :)
but yeah, just take it 1 step at a time
:thumbup: |
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| SketchifisT |
For a lot of people once a long relationship is over they finally start to clue into what they have lost because they no longer have it. You have stated you are taking it day by day and thats great , thats what you have to do.
SOmetimes it hurts so bad you cant even think straight and no matter what you do the pain wont stop. Just keep going, if shes the one it will work out , but as hard as it is, you have to give her space and never make her feel like she doesn't have an out. Dont trap her , dont trick her , just be honest and straight forward from here on out.
You no longer have the excuse of being completely stupid because the first impact of it being over is gone. Be smart with your actions be mature and be as nice as you can to her and be happy for whatever she does. Dont worry you will bounce back, ive been where you are and its tough but gluck man and keep us posted... |
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| jean-yus |
quote:
Originally posted by SketchifisT
For a lot of people once a long relationship is over they finally start to clue into what they have lost because they no longer have it. You have stated you are taking it day by day and thats great , thats what you have to do.
SOmetimes it hurts so bad you cant even think straight and no matter what you do the pain wont stop. Just keep going, if shes the one it will work out , but as hard as it is, you have to give her space and never make her feel like she doesn't have an out. Dont trap her , dont trick her , just be honest and straight forward from here on out.
You no longer have the excuse of being completely stupid because the first impact of it being over is gone. Be smart with your actions be mature and be as nice as you can to her and be happy for whatever she does. Dont worry you will bounce back, ive been where you are and its tough but gluck man and keep us posted...
once again.. :bowdown: SketchifisT .. are you single? |
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| SketchifisT |
Yes i am single ...
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| REFLUX |
quote:
Originally posted by SketchifisT
Yes i am single ...
And looking for a nice man to spend the rest of his life with
:lol: |
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| SketchifisT |
well i dont swing from the other side of the plate, but if a nice guy who had a couple nice cars and a huge house ... i dunno ;)
nah girls all the way, i may struggle to fully understand them , but in the end that is what is fun about it. No matter how well you know the other sex they always do something new and amazing that just boggles your mind in ways you thought could never happen.
sorry to get off topic, but yeah thx reflux for helpin me out with the ladies :rolleyes: |
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| jean-yus |
| lol, we should get together :P |
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| SketchifisT |
| what can i say im flattered, you got a PM ;) |
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| 95EagleAWD |
Teh E-mack KING!!! ^^^
:lol: |
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| REFLUX |
hahahaha :D
ok ok back on topic ;) |
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| snugs |
quote:
Originally posted by REFLUX
And looking for a nice man to spend the rest of his life with
:lol:
ROTFL!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| ae1969 |
quote:
Originally posted by REFLUX
And looking for a nice man to spend the rest of his life with
:lol:
:lol:
Uhmmm SketchifisT..............nowadays I would be worried that Jean..........is not actually John from Quebec.. |
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| SketchifisT |
As long as john has money im there ;)
lol i live in burnaby , ima msn ?? not like ive bought a pack of condoms and got a hotel room for friday ;) |
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| jean-yus |
quote:
Originally posted by ae1969
:lol:
Uhmmm SketchifisT..............nowadays I would be worried that Jean..........is not actually John from Quebec..
not john.. not jean either..
my name is tracey :P |
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| driftr420 |
| keep him guessing. :blue: |
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| snugs |
quote:
Originally posted by jean-yus
not john.. not jean either..
my name is tracey :P
Hi Steve. |
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| jean-yus |
quote:
Originally posted by snugs
Hi Steve.
excuse me? You must be the funny guy on the forum.. sorry i haven't come across you sooner..
Wait.. no I'm not |
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| snugs |
quote:
Originally posted by jean-yus
Wait.. no I'm not
Zing. :lol: |
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| Nis13 |
| hey seks how goes it now? |
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| Nis13 |
| hey seks how goes it now? |
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| Seks |
quote:
Originally posted by Nis13
hey seks how goes it now?
Umm...not sure what to say.
Nov 20, she called to give me a closure, saying...ya don't think we're gonna get back together..don't wait for me...i don't think we shouldn't talk either.
Just on xmas eve, she called me to see if she can drop something off. ...which was xmas gift. Ended up to be a 20 min convo. Can't really remember 1/2 the shit that was said becuz I was, in a way, suprised, shocked, ...everthing happened so fast...
But no, we're not back together... |
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| Charles_00civic |
waw waw waw waw.. I think it's beacause you didnt contacted her. jk. Nice spelling.
One a more serious note. When your 5 and watching seasame street. Ernie and Bert have a fight. Ernie hangs with bird bird and bert tries to talk to ernie. Ernie ignores him. So, bert hangs with elmo. Ernie realizes he misses bert and doesn't want elmo to be his friend. He tries to stop bert from hanging around with / tickling elmo and bert ignores him. In the end big bird becomes sad and end up going to oscar the grouch for help. Now Ernie has no one. Bert has a friend. Then the count offers good advice numerically and they become friends again. I guess what i'm trying to say is.. you need to find your count. 1,2,3 ahaha. Maybe you should tell elmo you have HIV and therfore she has hiv. Then he'll stop hanging with her maybe. or else he'll too have hiv and their relationship will prosper. Hmm.. maybe he has hiv. Then you'll get hiv. 75 percent of men dont know when they have a std. So, then you'll get back together, this time with fulllblown aids involved.
Mathematically:
You-her+him=:(
You+(her/him)= hiv
you+the count+(her/-him)= fullblown aids. :blue: |
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| Charles_00civic |
| Woah. Whend di i say that. |
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| S2KPWR |
quote:
Originally posted by Charles_00civic
waw waw waw waw.. I think it's beacause you didnt contacted her. jk. Nice spelling.
One a more serious note. When your 5 and watching seasame street. Ernie and Bert have a fight. Ernie hangs with bird bird and bert tries to talk to ernie. Ernie ignores him. So, bert hangs with elmo. Ernie realizes he misses bert and doesn't want elmo to be his friend. He tries to stop bert from hanging around with / tickling elmo and bert ignores him. In the end big bird becomes sad and end up going to oscar the grouch for help. Now Ernie has no one. Bert has a friend. Then the count offers good advice numerically and they become friends again. I guess what i'm trying to say is.. you need to find your count. 1,2,3 ahaha. Maybe you should tell elmo you have HIV and therfore she has hiv. Then he'll stop hanging with her maybe. or else he'll too have hiv and their relationship will prosper. Hmm.. maybe he has hiv. Then you'll get hiv. 75 percent of men dont know when they have a std. So, then you'll get back together, this time with fulllblown aids involved.
Mathematically:
You-her+him=:(
You+(her/him)= hiv
you+the count+(her/-him)= fullblown aids. :blue:
OMFG.. what is wrong with you? |
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| DelSoln |
| How can someone who can't even put together a comprehensible paragraph comment on someone else's spelling? |
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| Vive le Quebec |
quote:
Originally posted by Charles_00civic
Woah. Whend di i say that.
I think somebody may have been slightly intoxicated on making the previous post. Ya? |
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