| baker_jeff |
"A front line sales or technical position would be the ideal position for me, that would allow the company to benefit from my experience. "
That's the sentence I am trying to work on.
"I am applying for this position because I wish to further my career and my technical knowledge. A front line sales or technical position would be the ideal position for me, that would allow the company to benefit from my experience. I have a positive and upbeat attitude, work well with people, and I have a love of learning. "
Is the paragraph... for some reason the sentence just doesnt seem right to me.
Any suggestions? |
|
|
| bapestaaa |
quote:
"I am applying for this position because I wish to further my career and my technical knowledge.
remove my from technical knowledge because my is already in front of career. you dont have to repeat yourself because the sentence is parralel. i learnt it in grammar last semester |
|
|
| newaccorddriver |
quote:
Originally posted by baker_jeff
"A front line sales or technical position would be the ideal position for me, that would allow the company to benefit from my experience. "
That's the sentence I am trying to work on.
how about...
a front line sales or technical position would be an ideal position for me. this would allow the company to benefit from my previous experience. |
|
|
| midnite |
| what kind of job are you hoping to secure exactly? |
|
|
| Invalid Zero |
quote:
Originally posted by baker_jeff
"I am applying for this position because I wish to further my career and my technical knowledge. A front line sales or technical position would be ideal for me, and would allow the company to benefit from my experience. I have a positive and upbeat attitude, work well with people, and I have a love of learning. "
Fixed. |
|
|
| Jord@n |
quote:
Originally posted by baker_jeff
"A front line sales or technical position would be the ideal position for me, that would allow the company to benefit from my experience. "
That's the sentence I am trying to work on.
"I am applying for this position because I wish to further my career and my technical knowledge. A front line sales or technical position would be the ideal position for me, that would allow the company to benefit from my experience. I have a positive and upbeat attitude, work well with people, and I have a love of learning. "
Is the paragraph... for some reason the sentence just doesnt seem right to me.
Any suggestions?
I am applying for this position because I wish to further my career and technical knowledge. A front line sales or technical position would be ideal as it would allow me to utilize my previous technical skills and experience. I'm a team player with a positive, upbeat attitude who enjoys working with people and has a love for learning.
:dunno: |
|
|
| dtjohnst |
quote:
Originally posted by Jord@n
A front line sales or technical position would be ideal as it would allow me to utilize my previous technical skills and experience.
That sentence is the balls. Though I might drop the word "technical" from it, since all your previous experiences, technical and otherwise, would be utilized.
So maybe "A front line sales or technical position would be ideal as it would allow me to utilize all my skills and previous experiences." |
|
|
| ChromeDragon |
I think he should remove the first technical.
quote:
A front line sales or position would be ideal as it would allow me to utilize my previous technical skills and experience.
|
|
|
| dtjohnst |
| haha "A front line sales or position"? |
|
|
| liveforspd |
| just come out and say that you are the shit and there is no reason to hire anyone else. no word of a lie i said that in my interview and was hired on the spot. if u show u have the balls to say that, any sales driven job will be perfect for you. |
|
|
| dtjohnst |
quote:
Originally posted by liveforspd
just come out and say that you are the shit and there is no reason to hire anyone else. no word of a lie i said that in my interview and was hired on the spot. if u show u have the balls to say that, any sales driven job will be perfect for you.
:S When I was working as a manager in a retail store during my 1st year of University, anyone who said that in an interview would've had their resume and cover letter File 13'd in a heartbeat.
You can't make a blanket generalization like that. It depends on the environment. Arrogance doesn't work everywhere. |
|
|
| liveforspd |
ok maby in some situations it isnt the right thing to say, but i know that i can sell an arab sand and so should the guy interviewing me.
and i never sell anything, ppl buy it |
|
|
| baker_jeff |
| I've sent it off, thanks to all! :thumbup: |
|
|
|
