| anyone who has a decent long term relationship! - Click HERE for Original Thread |
| Em1 |
ok so this has been on my mind for the longest time.
if there is anyone on this board who has a decent relaionship with their SO
do you think its right for them to be talking to thier exes or maintain contact at all.
or do you think its time to let go in order for a relationship to function properly |
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| STiPWR |
No she should not be talking to her Ex's.
She has had sex with them.... Do you really need to ask this question? |
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| EK9Hatch |
Actually this can be a complex issue. I had this happen to me, I was with my S.O. for 2 years and she started talking to her ex on the phone (we lived in New Brunswick, he lived in Calgary) I didn't like it and I didn't think it was appropriate.
Eventually she told me that she needed "closure" with him and we broke up because of it. She was my first love, so there's no need for me to say that I was crushed.
They became a couple and within a year of being with him, he cheated on her and wrecked her apartment. Needless to say they broke up and guess who tried to come running back to me?
Never in my life did I believe the quote "What goes around comes back around" more.
So in my personal opinion, I do not think there should be any contact between ex's (for the exception if you have children with that other person, where there will have to be contact)
Jamie |
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| shortie |
From a chick's POV in a longterm relationship:
No.
there is NO need to have to talk to an ex for anything extended. Any contact should be limited to either bumping into each other and saying hi, or maybe someone you both know died and they are telling you the news :dunno:
move the fuck on, there is no real need to communicate with your ex. There is definitely no need to hang out with them either AT all.
I dont care what people say, there is also no need to be 'just friends' with an ex afterwards either. That is just asking for stupidity.
They are an ex for a reason - if the relationship couldnt work on that level, it shouldn't be existing at the 'good friends' level either. |
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| Fish_e_o |
you can talk but no 1 hour phone calls and no going out with her nothing that revolves around her (she'll think she's to special and one of you will get the wrong idea about things)
it's ok to run into her and catch up but other wise chit chat is all i would say is good. i wouldn't call up my ex just to chat or to find out intimate details. besides do you really give a shit anymore???
(fresh out of a 2 year as awell...) |
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| newtuner |
| I think it depends on how it ended. Ya ok so your not meant to be b/f or g/f, but what if you were meant to be friends. Like in the movie When Harry met Sally, Billy Crystal spells it out very well. A guy and a girl can't be friends until the "sex" issue is taken care of. If a guy and girl meet and there is always the question what if we got together? Once they know it's not going to work out, they can focus on being friends. I know as a guy ( and I know most other guys think this way also) that once you stop thinking about trying to sleep with a girl you can become really good friends. I know I still talk to some of my exs and my girlfriend has even met one of them. If she had a problem with me talking to them, then I might try to limit what I would do with them. Not because I feel bad or it's wrong, it would be to respect her as my girlfriend. I think respect is missing a lot these days. People just do what ever the hell they feel like with out thinking of other people. |
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| Em1 |
see exactly what i was thinking.... heres the story that made me ask this question.
so her ex bf has been a part of our relationship for the last 6 months since we started dating and things are going great between us.but her ex seems to be still attached to her. he recently was sent away to basic training for the military and just got his cell phone back where he is and he texts her asking if she misses him and for her to send her pictures and shit. last night at about 3 am i was awoken to her phone vibrating and guess who it was. i didnt really mean to look at the messege but i had seen 3 others with his name on it in her inbox so i did the stupid thing anc checked them . he was asking her for pictures again. im not entirely sure if she sent him any becasue now we are in a huge fight over this. but she seems determined to stay friends with him.im not sure why and i asked her to recieve no reply.i dont understand why she wants to stay in contact with her ex she says its most of them but the only one that she ever talks to is this guy. she told me she has no feelings for him..so honestly why?
but thanks for the advice people.
mike |
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| Bad Egg |
| If there is anything going on/being said that can't be done in front of the SO without a problem...then there is a reason for things being hidden. A real tight couple does not have that kind of "secret" friend. |
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| arabian_ryda |
| if she still talks to him and wont take to your wishes of not to talk to him anymore then she still has feelings for him. she is reinforcing herself just incase u break up with her she has him u know. she must be getting a uncertainty about u somewhere? cause seroiusly what does he tell her or do that u cant rite. have u tryed talkin to him? |
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| Em1 |
| i dont know if i should talk to him because i fear it may make things worse . i think it he'll tell her and then it will just blow up. i dont know really .she blew up on me when i asked if she still has feelings for him. she said she doesnt. i mean i sort of believe her because he cheated on her when they were together but i honestly dont know what to do. |
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| diesekiel |
| Well, if it's got tits or tires, you just know you're bound to have problems sooner or later... |
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| EK9Hatch |
Mike, this is a sensitive issue for sure. If you call the douche or have any type of confrontation with him, then she will be twice as pissed at YOU. Women are fucked up when it comes to shit like this.
Like I said in my early post, my Ex kept in contact with her ex and it eventually broke us up. From my experience, I would say that if she still has contact with her ex, she still DOES care for him on some level.
If you care about this girl, it can be hard to decide what to do. But in all honesty, if something doesn't change I can guarantee that you will become unhappy in the relationship.
I would maybe give it a bit more time and see what she does. If nothing changes, I would suggest giving her an ultimatum. Tell her she needs to cut off contact with her ex, or you're out of the picture.
Jamie |
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| arabian_ryda |
dont be a bitch!!!!! if she freaks out about it when u comfront her about it theres something wrong freak out about her atitude and a million other things u can bring up about the defensivness shes giving u show her whos boss u know. talk to the ex he might not even know this is happening between u too u know the figthing. if he wont let up give her the its either me or him and thats how it should be. dont let her boss u around man cause it starts to become more of a disapointment then a happyiness to be in a relationship.
my ex still calls up till today after 1 year ive told her many times to not call me anymore but she still does and shes been dating some guy since we broke up and all her freinds tell me she brings me up in convo liek all the time..............im saying this to show u how some girls are. |
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| liveforspd |
quote:
Originally posted by diesekiel
Well, if it's got tits or tires, you just know you're bound to have problems sooner or later...
i couldnt have said it better myself |
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| friedn00dles |
shit like this always pisses me off. women sometimes are the most impossible things to figure out.
like others said, you broke up for a reason. there's no need for her to be keeping in touch with him under any circumstances. and yes a bump and a hi is okay but a whole out convo is just not right.:mad: :mad: :mad:
women=impossible |
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| diesekiel |
quote:
Originally posted by friedn00dles
women=impossible
Amen brotha. |
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| Prudz_lude |
quote:
Originally posted by newtuner
I think it depends on how it ended. Ya ok so your not meant to be b/f or g/f, but what if you were meant to be friends. Like in the movie When Harry met Sally, Billy Crystal spells it out very well. A guy and a girl can't be friends until the "sex" issue is taken care of. If a guy and girl meet and there is always the question what if we got together? Once they know it's not going to work out, they can focus on being friends. I know as a guy ( and I know most other guys think this way also) that once you stop thinking about trying to sleep with a girl you can become really good friends. I know I still talk to some of my exs and my girlfriend has even met one of them. If she had a problem with me talking to them, then I might try to limit what I would do with them. Not because I feel bad or it's wrong, it would be to respect her as my girlfriend. I think respect is missing a lot these days. People just do what ever the hell they feel like with out thinking of other people.
I completely agree with this statement. It completely depends if you parted on good terms or bad terms.
If your gf/bf broke up due to cheating on their other gf/bf and now they are still keeping in touch they are not over each other. Here are a few great examples.
I have a friend who dated a girl for 5 years. They were a great couple but my friend cheated on his ex a few times. They eventually broke up because she found out. However, they both decided to still be friends because honestly after you have been dating for 5 years it is really almost impossible to never speak to them again if you did love them on some level.
So they continued talking even though she eventually found a new bf. Funny thing is she continually tried to call him up and hang out with him once he found new girls. Everytime she would call him up and try to do stuff with him. Eventually she cheated on her new bf with him a bunch but told her new bf they were still just friends and nothing else was happening.
I am not sure if this still happens but thats just one example. i have 2 other friends with the exact same stories.
The point of this is if you both are over the sex, and you are both over the relationship and now focusing on just being friends it can be possible. However, if you end your relationship based on negative experiences such as cheating odds are if the couple stay in contact they are still going to fuck and still going to see each other as more than friends. This is becaues on some level they still love each other more than friends and have not actually got completely over one another.
To the OP. I would not be suprised if you got cheated on very soon. You said you don't see it as that likely that she will cheat on you becasue he cheated on her so she won't go back. The thing is she is not going back to the relationship. She is more than likely going back for sex. |
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| Kiddo |
quote:
Originally posted by Prudz_lude
I completely agree with this statement. It completely depends if you parted on good terms or bad terms.
If your gf/bf broke up due to cheating on their other gf/bf and now they are still keeping in touch they are not over each other. Here are a few great examples.
I have a friend who dated a girl for 5 years. They were a great couple but my friend cheated on his ex a few times. They eventually broke up because she found out. However, they both decided to still be friends because honestly after you have been dating for 5 years it is really almost impossible to never speak to them again if you did love them on some level.
So they continued talking even though she eventually found a new bf. Funny thing is she continually tried to call him up and hang out with him once he found new girls. Everytime she would call him up and try to do stuff with him. Eventually she cheated on her new bf with him a bunch but told her new bf they were still just friends and nothing else was happening.
I am not sure if this still happens but thats just one example. i have 2 other friends with the exact same stories.
The point of this is if you both are over the sex, and you are both over the relationship and now focusing on just being friends it can be possible. However, if you end your relationship based on negative experiences such as cheating odds are if the couple stay in contact they are still going to fuck and still going to see each other as more than friends. This is becaues on some level they still love each other more than friends and have not actually got completely over one another.
To the OP. I would not be suprised if you got cheated on very soon. You said you don't see it as that likely that she will cheat on you becasue he cheated on her so she won't go back. The thing is she is not going back to the relationship. She is more than likely going back for sex.
this statement is true. I know two girls who are exactly like that, they will lie and lie and lie just to get sex from their ex's while they are dating new men, I used to date one of these girls that liked to be "friends" with her ex. And this is how I found out, I went out to go to the bank and deposit my casino profits but I left my wallet in my other pants so I went back inside, she was in the shower at this time, I got a phone call unknown name/number on the house phone figured it was a telemarketer so I just put it to the answer machine, the guy lets just say left a pretty disturbing message and I was waiting for her after she came out of the shower, I packed my shit and told her to go burn in hell, I was smiling when her friend said she couldn't pay the rent and got kicked out and is now basically leeching off who ever she can get with.
To this day she still calls me out of the blue but I never pick up, life is better without people like her around, some girls don't change and in your case I'd be careful because if she is not willing to talk it out or compromise then you know she still has feelings for him. |
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| Jojdm |
quote:
Originally posted by Em1
see exactly what i was thinking.... heres the story that made me ask this question.
so her ex bf has been a part of our relationship for the last 6 months since we started dating and things are going great between us.but her ex seems to be still attached to her. he recently was sent away to basic training for the military and just got his cell phone back where he is and he texts her asking if she misses him and for her to send her pictures and shit. last night at about 3 am i was awoken to her phone vibrating and guess who it was. i didnt really mean to look at the messege but i had seen 3 others with his name on it in her inbox so i did the stupid thing anc checked them . he was asking her for pictures again. im not entirely sure if she sent him any becasue now we are in a huge fight over this. but she seems determined to stay friends with him.im not sure why and i asked her to recieve no reply.i dont understand why she wants to stay in contact with her ex she says its most of them but the only one that she ever talks to is this guy. she told me she has no feelings for him..so honestly why?
but thanks for the advice people.
mike
see the thing is you cant get too over aggressive, with the text msg. Keep monitoring it and play stupid and get more ammo. You are partly to blame for this. You let this take place for 6 months!!!!!!! What's the matter with you. You gave the guy a sniff and now the little doggy doesn't want to leave.
You should have... and still should pull the guy off to the side or go visit him personally ( w/o your girlfriend) and tell him to fuck off and find his own tail.
she stays in contact with him because girls like to feel wanted.....
or you could just smash her phone..... |
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| Prudz_lude |
Hey i have something funny i will tell you guys. I never really knew about it until recently.
I currently work for Bell Mobility and found out there is some crazy gps system in everyones phone. You call customer service and tell them you want to subscribe to this feature/service and pay something like 5 dollars a month. Not sure what its called but i will find out so people can get hooked up if they want lol.
What it does is lets you monitor a person of your choices phone via the internet. It brings a map up of the city and will show where they are at all times. If they lie to you and say they are going here or there and are not you can look up and see where they really are. In the case of a cheating whore girlfriend you can see whose house they are at fucking.
I am not even bullshitting this. I will find out more for you guys. i learned this in my trainging recently.
Also just for the record. I don't have this because my girl friend is not a cheating whore lol |
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| Jojdm |
hhhahahaha thats fucking awesome, keep us posted
gotta keep those hos' in check. lol :D |
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| Prudz_lude |
will do :thumbup:
my next shift is on tuesday so i will let you guys know then hahahahaha. If my trainer was not lying to me i will let you guys know but i will still let you now regardless.
Afterwards if it is true come to bell and i will hook you guys up :thumbup:
A HUGE LAWL!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| Em1 |
haha thats fuckin hilarious...
but on a side not thanks for the tips guys i sent the guy a messege and we'll see what happens im basically gonna tell him to fuck off or there is gonna be problems. and i know she will still get texts from him so im gonna play retarded about that for a while and see where it leads ..hes in quebec right now anyways so im not to worried but when he gets back if he hasnt dissapeared then im curious to see what happens. |
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| Prudz_lude |
quote:
Originally posted by Em1
haha thats fuckin hilarious...
but on a side not thanks for the tips guys i sent the guy a messege and we'll see what happens im basically gonna tell him to fuck off or there is gonna be problems. and i know she will still get texts from him so im gonna play retarded about that for a while and see where it leads ..hes in quebec right now anyways so im not to worried but when he gets back if he hasnt dissapeared then im curious to see what happens.
If he doesn't dissapear you can always come to bell and see me lol :lol: |
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| midnite |
quote:
Originally posted by Prudz_lude
Hey i have something funny i will tell you guys. I never really knew about it until recently.
I currently work for Bell Mobility and found out there is some crazy gps system in everyones phone. You call customer service and tell them you want to subscribe to this feature/service and pay something like 5 dollars a month. Not sure what its called but i will find out so people can get hooked up if they want lol.
What it does is lets you monitor a person of your choices phone via the internet. It brings a map up of the city and will show where they are at all times. If they lie to you and say they are going here or there and are not you can look up and see where they really are. In the case of a cheating whore girlfriend you can see whose house they are at fucking.
I am not even bullshitting this. I will find out more for you guys. i learned this in my trainging recently.
Also just for the record. I don't have this because my girl friend is not a cheating whore lol
You need to get more information because you can't monitor someone else like this without their consent, I'm sure it's covered by the Personal Information Protection Act.
And wouldn't she notice this charge on her cell phone bill and question it? That seems like common sense to me. |
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| beeb |
i offer you some advice
you will never get what you expect in life/love
only what you accept...
if you expect her not to have contact with her ex's but when she calls him and continues to hang out with him.. and you do nothing.. you are getting what you accept.. |
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| midnite |
quote:
Originally posted by newtuner
I think it depends on how it ended. Ya ok so your not meant to be b/f or g/f, but what if you were meant to be friends. Like in the movie When Harry met Sally, Billy Crystal spells it out very well. A guy and a girl can't be friends until the "sex" issue is taken care of. If a guy and girl meet and there is always the question what if we got together? Once they know it's not going to work out, they can focus on being friends. I know as a guy ( and I know most other guys think this way also) that once you stop thinking about trying to sleep with a girl you can become really good friends.
Completely agree. I have a friend who was an ex, but we consider each other friends, not ex's, because friendship is what our relationship is meant to be. |
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| EDISKRAD EHT |
quote:
Originally posted by diesekiel
Well, if it's got tits or tires, you just know you're bound to have problems sooner or later...
New sig.:lol:
There should be no contact with ex's. People have enough friends they don't need to hang on to people they've fucked. Any girl that I date that I have respect for, I wont talk to an ex or even a girl I know is interested out of respect for my girl. I know I wouldn't want her to do it, so I don't do it myself. |
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| jordanturbo |
| could you use her phone to call in and block his number so that she can't recieve messages from him. maybe she will just think he doesn't want to be involved with her. then program your number under his name and you will recieve the texts that she sends |
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| diesekiel |
quote:
Originally posted by EDISKRAD EHT
New sig.:lol:
Lol thanks man. :lol: :thumbup:
And Em1,
Just panty-punch her for like 5 hours straight hard, gizz all over her face, and then kick her to the curb (when and if you find out she's cheating) Just get one more good long session in and then surprise her with a break-up! Woohoo! |
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| EDISKRAD EHT |
quote:
Originally posted by jordanturbo
could you use her phone to call in and block his number so that she can't recieve messages from him. maybe she will just think he doesn't want to be involved with her. then program your number under his name and you will recieve the texts that she sends
That is scary good.:blink: |
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| Em1 |
quote:
Originally posted by diesekiel
Lol thanks man. :lol: :thumbup:
And Em1,
Just panty-punch her for like 5 hours straight hard, gizz all over her face, and then kick her to the curb (when and if you find out she's cheating) Just get one more good long session in and then surprise her with a break-up! Woohoo!
noted!!:thumbup: |
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| tho_chi |
quote:
Originally posted by jordanturbo
could you use her phone to call in and block his number so that she can't recieve messages from him. maybe she will just think he doesn't want to be involved with her. then program your number under his name and you will recieve the texts that she sends
haha have you tried this in the past? |
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| Prudz_lude |
quote:
Originally posted by midnite
You need to get more information because you can't monitor someone else like this without their consent, I'm sure it's covered by the Personal Information Protection Act.
And wouldn't she notice this charge on her cell phone bill and question it? That seems like common sense to me.
the thing is before it allows it to do this feature it asks for consent. it also does not charge her, it charges the guy who added it to his cell phone and is tracking her. I work tomorrow so i will get more info. |
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| BARNSEY |
| This same thing happened between me and my girlfriend of 18 months. Anyways, we ended up going through a break up, and guess what, they are going back out with eachother. They ended up rbeaking up, and somehow she started talking to me again, that she wanted me back in her life. Anyhow, it didnt really work out, and shes back with him again. Really, its just retarded that a girl wants to be friends with their ex's, though if us guys wanted to, then its a huge problem. |
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| jordanturbo |
quote:
Originally posted by tho_chi
haha have you tried this in the past?
no, no girl is worth that much to me. but some people call me kniving lol, others say I's a genious, I just believe I am a little different than everyone else. |
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| diesekiel |
Em1,
Whats been goin' on lately? Is she still doing it? |
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| the_fornicator |
why live in paranoia and angst? I don't care who my girlfriend talks to. if she's going to cheat on you, she's going to cheat on you whether it be with her ex or a stranger.
my opinion anyway. if it works for both parties involved, then it works. just not my MO (not letting the girlfriend talk to the ex).
I dunno, I'm always prepared to let go of the SO over stupid matters like that (if you're into me, cool. if not, there's the door). no games = no headaches. |
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| Praylewd powr |
It depends on the ex bf in my opinion. My ex wife did this and it was with an ex who threatened me........and it kept on going. Needless to say we are not together anymore. I just got married again and she is very understanding of the concept-if you slept with them.....but aren't with them....then there is no need to see them. End of story. To me, that and finances are the two easiest things to break up over.
d |
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| Prudz_lude |
HAHAHAHAHHA OMG ITS TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called my sos hotline today while i was at work. The feature is called seek and find. It was created to keep an eye on children. As long as the phone was manufactured after 2005 you can upgrade this feature.
for 5 dollars a month you can have 20 free locates, 10 dollars a month gets you 40 free locates. every additional one is 25 cents. You are able to locate the person you want to via the internet.
Hahaha i was dying laughing on the phone when the guy confirmed with me that it is actually real. So there you have it, come to bell and spy on your suspected whore girlfriends hahahahahaha. |
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| tho_chi |
| haha wow, the things people come up with today |
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| Prudz_lude |
| i dont get it? do you think its fake or do you think bell is insane? |
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| tho_chi |
| o i believe it, that is fairly insane that you can do that |
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| Prudz_lude |
| hahaha yah i was really shocked. i thought i was just bs'ing everyone a bit and was only about 50 percent sure it was true and sure enough its real. I just ruinned my little sisters life hahahha my mom is getting it :lol: |
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| 240sex |
i say no, at no point in a relationship should your SO be talking to her ex i know i'd be pissed if my gf was,
obviously they had something going to be going out with each other then after 1 fight or whatever they broke up, now if shes talking to her ex again obviously shes gonna start thinking about the good times they had together then one thing leads to the next and then yea i go and get a baseball bat :cool: |
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| Fazda |
| lol i used to get pissed off when my g/f talked to her ex. but now i dont really care. If she wants to stay friends and talk to him from time to time thats fine.. If she is with me its obviously for some reason.. and i would imagine she wouldn't be messing around on me. cuz well, she doesn't want her ex to get killed or anything.. i guess it depends on what kinda relationship they still have.. if its talking everyday and hanging out on the weekends then maybe its time to rethink things. |
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| tho_chi |
| She also probably wouldn't want to or else she can't drive your car anymore..:p |
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| Fazda |
| haha shut up.. probably a good reason though. lol |
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