| love - Click HERE for Original Thread |
| CYA |
this is the same post as i made on eo. just thought i'd share it over here too
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too many thoughts going through my head... everyone says true love is supposed to be forever. part of the commitment of marriage includes 'til death do you part... etc., etc.
to me, marriage is nothing but a peice of paper. a ceremony in which you and your love perform so that "society" recognizes the bond you share with your love.
but in reality love is love even without the "marriage". the bond is still shared between the two people.
now what about distance? say one person wants to explore the world with the possibility of living somewhere far away and the other person is happy with living in little old edmonton.
is it right to hang on for love? keep the relationship intact but forego the physical aspects... hang on with just emotional support? hoping that either you or the other person will move to the same location once again? or do you let it go and wish the other person happiness in whatever they encounter? yeah yeah, if you love them you want them to be happy... i know that... but then what happened to 'til death do you part? aren't you supposed to be committed?
fact is people change... especially at this age where people are just starting to figure out what they want to do with their life.
so how can there be this ideal commitment where you devote your entire life to someone and say that you'll stay 'til death do you part? is that not realistic? if not... that's a sad thought... cause where does that leave love then? love is something that you commit to when it fits your current stage of life? and then when someone changes and wants something else in life you leave love behind and find another love?
i don't really expect to find an answer here... cause i really don't think there is one. i dunno... i just wanted to say something i guess. feel free to add to my thoughts.
CYA |
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| hondaluva |
dude, I nearly cried after I read that.
I think relationships are all about comprimises. You have to give as much as you receive. If there is only take in a relationship one person will alway be unhappy.
So if the one you love won't comprimise or decides she wants soemthing else in life, let her go. If she doesn't come back, then she was never yours. If she comes back, like the old saying goes, she'll be your's forever.
Boy, being single ain't so bad after all. |
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| morzada |
CYA,
I can tell you're really hurt, but I think you're doing the right thing by expressing your feelings. This is when you realize how important your friends are.
Its sounds like a great loss, but things always seem to work out at the end. This might just be chicken soup, but believe me things will get better. |
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| Bimmer |
I've been really busy lately and haven't got a chance to read some of the posts, especially the longer ones, which I really regret now.
The main points that I got from reading this and I must agree with is what cya says about the future.. no one really knows the future so the term "till death do us part" is unrealistic from that standpoint. _But what it really means is the fact that I love you so much right now, that even not knowing what may happen in the future, I feel at this moment I would like to be with you forever.
The other point which I feel is very important is Compromise. _Too many relationships are very one sided and sure two people can get along if one person always compromises, but sooner or later that person will come to realize that they are always making the sacrifices for the other person. _I think in order for a relationship to work out, it really has to be a little give and take from both sides. _At least this is what I've learned from my past experience _ _<!--emo&???--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='???'><!--endemo--> _ hmm basically this is what hondaluva said, but I really feel this is so true. |
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| Genki |
Know how u feel.. just broke up this weekend. 4.5 yrs <!--emo&:(--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':('><!--endemo-->. Was hard.. we had problems.. always did... 2 very different ppl we were.
I htink buying the house togehter just seemed to make things worse. Perhaps i changed and didnt want this anymore... but one thing was for sure.. I lost my love for my gf <!--emo&:(--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':('><!--endemo--> and well... it just wasnt right to stay any longer.....
sigh... |
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| DrunkenGoddess |
i'm so sorry to hear you guys having trouble with your relationships.. or rather.. the breakups..
no sugar is gonna help, i know..
but you guys totally know what you're doing so i just offer you two cyber *hUgs*
it's really kinda sad to see freshly single ppl with v-day just around the corner.. <!--emo&:(--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':('><!--endemo--> *sniffs*
hope you two are truly okay
and CYA, i've always felt that way about marriage too.. it's just a legal declaration of "love"
kinda.. official bonds to someone
see.. you know what you're talking about.. that means you're okay, rite?
and hondaluva.. that quote.. it's hard to comply to.. i mean.. do you know how hard it is to let someone go HOPING they'll come back? .. it's like.. there's such a big chance they won't.. so it's so hard to let go.. because.. you'll lose them.. forever
you know how sometimes we like to be in denial? so what if that person isn't really "yours".. they are for now.. you just want to hang on to them.. coz if they go.. it'll be the last you'll see of them..
*sighs* |
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| Bimmer |
| Are you in a situation like you are describing Drunk? I wish I could give you some advice but I've never been in that situation before. But the way I look at it is if they don't want to be with you as much as you want to be with them, then probabaly they don't deserve you. |
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| CYA |
ouch... kev... i didn't know. i'm sorry. can't say i know how you feel. it's been a long time since i've broken up with someone. besides... only had to do it once. so it's not like i have a lot of experience in going from a couple to being single. but... what i do know is that it's hard to change from spending so much time with someone then being "alone". but... that's what friends are for.
about the letting go and if they come back you know it's true. yes... i agree with that fully but as with all things you cannot follow that blindly. think about this realistically. there is more than one person in this world for each of us. to think that there's only one special person out of the billions of people out there is simply pardon the word... ignorant. wouldn't you say? so... in coming to terms with this reality you have to realize that there are "temptations" for every couple. the way i follow that "letting go" concept is that i do not control... i do not get jealous. that's my way of letting go. but... you should always give 100% into the relationship because if you don't... the temptations become that much harder for the other person to turn away. now if you're giving 100% and your love still decides he/she is happier with someone else... then there's nothing you can do. in a way you should be happy that they are happy. but to say you will not be hurt that's just a crazy notion too. a friend of mine said something to me once. it's simple it's true and it might give you comfort at times like this. "nothing hurts forever". |
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| CYA |
you know what though kev? you broke up this weekend. i kinda went through that when i posted this. my gf and i had some time apart. it was such a shock to go from what we had to being "single" for about a week. i thought it was going to be over. but we're not. we're working on things and i can see it working out well. maybe there are differences which you and your gf can reconcile.
good luck |
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| Genki |
Hey that's great to hear that you 2 are trying to work it out. good luck to the both of you!! <!--emo&:D--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':D'><!--endemo-->
I know my gf would like to work things out. But i felt like ive been giving most of the time since this relationship started and well it was a one sided relationship. Also felt that we've been working things out more or less for the past 2-3 yrs now... thats a long time to constantly work things out..
Ive tried to do the things we use to do.. but well, they were forced changes.. changes that i had to do, not cuz i enjoyed or wanted to anymore..... so it became a relationship where it was likee.. ok im doing this for you but i odnt enjoy it. I htink that is unfair.. for both.
I would say i lost or starting losing interest for the past 8 mths now... and to be honest... im not really sure if i want to go back. <!--emo&???--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='???'><!--endemo-->
ahh there are like more reasons.. i could rant here forever... |
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| CYA |
i know what you mean when you say you've been working on things for 2-3 years. we had / have long term problems like that too. i've been with her for 3.5 years and her and i both know that for about 3 years we've been working on problems. but you know what? from you saying you're not wanting to work things out tells you a lot about what you are feeling. that's a very strong message there. for me... i can see past the problems. deep down in know once they're solved things would be amazing. when we're together and things are working out... it makes all the hard work worth all the trouble. the reality of love is that yes... things are "forced" sometimes. like making yourself do things which you do not want to because you don't like them. but the silver lining there is that you see the one you love happy in doing what they wanted. don't spoil that moment by making it a point that you "sacrificed" for them... just be happy that you are sharing something together. society is too stuck on this notion of love being all great... everything about it makes you happy, etc etc. if you believe in that you will never find the true meaning of love no matter where you look. that idea is just too idealistic. people think love isn't selfish, etc etc. that's bull. people are selfish. pure and simple. but love is accepting that and comprimising working towards happiness for both. happiness might not be at the same time. but that's where the give and take comes in. it's ok to have differences. no two people are the same in every way. for example, sure it's not a significant thing but the concept behind it is what's important. let's say you want to watch an action movie. she wants to watch a romance. give and take. you don't have to enjoy the romance and she doesn't have to enjoy the action movie (you cannot change anyone)... but if the love is there and both understand the deeper meaning behind it... then they will simply be happy that their loved one is doing something they like and spending that moment with you. falling out of love because of unsolved problems happens because each did not know how to support one another. once the root of the problem is identified do you cherish the person enough to work on it no matter how hard it gets until it's solved? fact is love is not this magical thing that exists between two people no matter what just because it's "true love". love requires lots of work from both. you cannot neglect it and expect things to get better. also fact is people change... it doesn't matter if she has changed from when you first met her. deep down she is still the same person. you cannot expect her to be the same person 30 years later. people are constantly changing. views will not always be the same. once again... give and take. like you kev... i could rant forever about this too. just not sure what all i can say without you talking about it more. so if you want... feel free to share your thoughts. however incomplete they may be. i know that's what helped me through things just a little while ago.
here's something that might inspire you.
"Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good" |
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| DrunkenGoddess |
tin: no.. i'm not in that situation right now.. been there.. past that.. i'm single now <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo-->
CYA: best wishes for you two.. whether it be getting together or breaking up for good.. just hope you two end up happy and satisified with watever happens.. i think happiness is crucial to any relationship
Genki: i think we'll all support your final decision as whether or not to keep trying.. i mean, you know more about the relationship than any one of us so i think you'll be able to make the best decision for yourself <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo--> |
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| Bimmer |
Hey Sam, it's nice to hear things are working out for you two.
Drunk, you are still VERY young and definitely have time to date more guys, and see what qualities you like in a man <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://asianet.ca/images/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo--> Happy hunting..hehe |
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