| Prudz_lude |
Recently i found out one of my managers had pooped his pants a few years back while at work. He was apparently working really hard and did not want to use the public bathrooms and decided to just try and hold it in. Eventually his bowl system just gave up and he crapped his pants. He pasted it off as gas and then said he had to go home so nobody really thought anything of it until his wife told us at a party at his house. I lol'd really hard.
Lets hear what other stories you guys have. I am sure someone on these boards has crapped their pants. Like the one guy who went for spagehtti during all you could eat and completely destroyed the bathroom. (humour section) |
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| euro777 |
this was not a crap in pants story, but has similiar elements.
last year me and 2 buddies rolled down to banff do get some snowboarding and drinking done. We had a crappy motel in canmore and went out and got completely corked at the canmore hotel.
after stumbling back to the room and passing out i was the first guy to wake up so i started getting my riding gear together and woke up the other two drunks. I went into the bathroom to pop in my contac lenses and there was a huge coiler in the middle of the bathtub, no TP, no piss residues....just a big log!!!!
so i ask the other two guys who the fuck did this and they were as confused as i was!!!!???? both of them were 100% that it was not them, but that shit wasnt there the night/day before.
the mystery turd!!! |
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| Graphicdude |
| I haven't shit my pants since I was a wee little tyke. But I can't wait for the gooders to surface. I find shit stories very amusing. |
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| lowslowcorrado |
| I caught my heels 270ing off of a rail snowboarding, and fractured my tailbone, and pooed my pants in the process. It hurt like fuck, and the poo was just insult to injury. My buddy also pooed his pants running home wasted, and then used his boxers to wipe his ass and tossed them in someones back yard. |
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| Prudz_lude |
quote:
Originally posted by lowslowcorrado
I caught my heels 270ing off of a rail snowboarding, and fractured my tailbone, and pooed my pants in the process. It hurt like fuck, and the poo was just insult to injury. My buddy also pooed his pants running home wasted, and then used his boxers to wipe his ass and tossed them in someones back yard.
:lol: that would ass. A fracture followed by shitting your pants. Icing on the cake.
One of my friends did the same thing. Shit his pants wasted one night and used them to clean up and hucked them into a really nice flower bed. I am sure the owner freaked out in the morning. It was someone who looked like they took some serious pride in their garden. Sadly their flower bed was in the wrong place at the wrong time. |
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| Blackout-spec |
haha holy fuck those are funny.
well this one time at work i ALMOST shit myself. i had just finished having chicken for lunch and was going out to do my round. well my unit is like a sky scrapper, its 13 stories high, and each floor is more like 20FT so maby 16 or 17 office building stories. anyways, im going out to do my round and i get to the 7th floor and my stomach is all bubbly, im like ok i take a shit when i finish my round, only 5 floors to go. so i get to the 12th floor and all of sudden more bubbles, and i had to fart. so i farted then i noticed i really had to shit, like NOW! i didnt know if i farted again if it would be air, or i would shit myself, so i held it all in.
i run to the elevator, but of course it only goes like 3 floors a min, so im jumping around in the elevator trying not to shit myself, and run to the can as soon i get back to ground. i got my overalls down just in time because i couldnt hold it anymore.
fuck was i lucky, i still had 4 hrs left in my shift and i dont know what i would have done if i smelt like shit all day. never mind trying to run out of the bathroom with shitty droors trying to get some new coveralls.
lol close call! |
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| Prudz_lude |
:lol: :lol: :lol:
shitty droors lolllzzz |
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| THUD |
Lol pooooopy time
K well just after Xmas I was driving my truck along the hiway and before tofeild I started to fart and as I traveled along to the next town (ryley) I was farting lots and they were stinkers and gave me a good laUffff.
Just as I was coming into holden some massive cramps started and I was farting outta control when I felt a it getting oddly moist then it hit, I could barly push on the brake pedal the cramps were so bad and I was trying to hold in crap by pushing on one cheek to keep the hole closed.
I have never left such a large cow paddy on the hiway to the likes of anything, right on the drivers side to I could not even run to the other side the crap just had to come out now.
It was sad with me bent over trying to get around the front of my truck and around to the darkness of the ditch as traffic started to come along and trying to hold my coveralls up and keep the waist of my paints from getting pooped on, I figure it was from the cream in my coffee that did it.
I had to use a rag that I check the oil with to wipe up the mess and toss my shorts into the ditch, when I got home that morning I took a shower the crusties were driving me mad and when I saw my back side in the mirror there was black grease streaks all over my ass and up my backside.
Long ago I hit my tail bone after taking a spill on my GT snow racer and I popped myself a bit, lucky I was alone but man you smack that thing and you feel like you need to crap lol. |
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| Blackout-spec |
:lol:
you looked in the mirror. |
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| Arikara1985 |
One very bad experience when I was 17. Was at a hockey tournament (playing AAA). Now I hadn't been feeling good all day but it was my game to start and I wasn't going to let being sick stop me from playing. Well, about midway through the second I was getting bad stomach cramps, I ended up making a save and I couldn't control myself. Well it was a bad one. To make it worse I started puking all over the ice as well.
Easily one of the most embarrassing and worst days of my life. |
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| accordt |
Funny stuff, K I will add one.
So about 5 of us at around the age of 14 where hanging out at a friends house doing what ever I forget, so my buddy's mom says she's going to the store and she would grab us some junk she comes back gives us all chocolate bars, and my one buddy (her son) gets one thats open already she says she wanted a piece and took it out of the package. So anyway she rushs us out the door in about 10 minutes so we are walking down the road and all of a sudden my stops and throughs his hands in the air I just shit myself and turns around with that stupid run/jog holding his ass with both hands. This guys mom gave him a elax bar :lol: |
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| 30psi_on4banger |
I worked midnights at a Grocery store stocking shelves about 3 years ago and a co-worker of mine and me went out front (he smoked) I just had a coke and chilled.
Out of nowhere he lifts his leg to pretend to be a pig and fart.. All you hear is PPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP.. And he says "Oh shit, oh shit".
Ran down his leg and shit and you could start seeing it soak through his jeans (sorry for being so specific) , he ran for the bathroom and tried to clean up but couldnt... he had to go home because he smelled like ass all morning after that.. |
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| Realistic |
I was taking pills for cholesterol, and whenever you ate particular foods.. it basically takes the bad stuff right out the back door..
when you have a plate of spaghetti..and all that red greasy stuff is left on your plate... thats what your shit looks like
so i had been taking these for about a month, and while at my girlfriends house we were playin a bit of foosball..
i leaned over just a bit to fart.....and low and behold...that red shit stained my entire droors..and ran down my leg
try explaining to the future mother in law (whose a cleaning nut) that her carpet was stained red from .....well... shit
to this day whenever im around and she looks at that spot, she frowns and talks about ripping the entire carpet up |
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| Blackout-spec |
hahaha
how would you wash your clothes after that? all the shit would be floating around in the washer, and it would probably never clean the same.
you would most likely have to toss your clothes! |
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| Graphicdude |
| LMAO....these are pricelss, let's keep them coming!!! |
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| STiPWR |
When I was still in the army.....
We were preparing to drive back from wainwright, doing the usual vehicle marshalling and programming radios etc.
The night before we were allowed to hit the town, JD's lounge with multiple whiskey shots was my choice for the night.
We were standing around in a circle, hungover and drinking coffee... One guy farts, it smells like carrots and throw-up, and he starts laughing... I figured I would one up him and let a ripper go. I forced out the loudest juiciest fart of my life.... Soon to realize I blew some whiskey shit into my underwear in the process.
We get the word, we're leaving in 5mins.....
I jump into the back of one of the convoy trucks and search frantically for something to wipe my ass with. End up ripping my underwear off, throwing it in the corner and wiping my ass with an old oil filled rag.
The 3hr trip back to edmonton was amusing to say the least. My SGT who was riding shotgun kept commenting on how it stunk like shit... I kept the window cracked, but the smell was unavoidable. Quite embarrassing. |
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| STiPWR |
I got another one....
We were in minnisota doing a navigation exersize, I had to poop pretty bad, but couldnt find a pora-podie to save my life.
After an hour of so of suffering, I decided to just let it go, so I dropped my pants and let er rip. I heard kids laughing and talking, walking in my direction.
Not having anything to wipe with, my only quick resort was to grab some leaves. Well they ended up being dead leaves, and just crumbled into a mess of shit and leaves lodged between my ass-cheeks.
Now I'm pissed so I just bare hand it, flick it off my hands into the trees, and pull up my pants.
I walk over the next hill, 50meters away and there's a porta-pody sitting right there on the side of the road. :mad: |
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| Prudz_lude |
AHahahhahahaha that last one is awesome.
This happened recently. Two of my friends and I were out drinking one night and my friend started getting stomach cramps. He said it was an intense pain so he left and went home. the next day i get a call from my other friend and he tells me that my buddy ended up going to emergency.
What happened was he got home and 1 hour into his sleep he started to puke and shit uncontrolably. He ended up laying curled in his shower crapping non stop and puking. He told us he pooped his pants on the way to the bath room and it wasn't just a squirt. It was a full blown diarreah shit. Extremely messy followed by puke. This went on for 1 hour he said before his dad came in and took him to the hospital
Turned out to be food poisoning. |
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| Inzane |
I've got a close call story from a couple years ago. My wife and I were leaving her folks' place in Cold Lake on the way back to Edmonton on Christmas DAY evening. We had just finished a gigantic meal and had hit the road shortly after. Mistake # 1 was leaving right after eating. Mistake # 2 was travelling this particular route on Dec. 25th evening.
We were well past Bonnyville when I realized oh shit, I need to shit!!! Like NOW! I start to panic. We're out in the middle of frickin' nowhere and none of the small shithole (no pun intended) gasstops along the way were open. I was pondering whether we should take our normal route on the secondary roads that go through Andrew and Marwayne, or stick to HWY 28. I decided on the latter. We pass by a town (forget the name) and like we saw earlier gas stations, restaurants etc. all appeared to be closed. Fuck! But we passed a turnoff that had a sign for a hospital (mental note). So then we see a hotel up ahead. I pull up to the office and run in and say to the guy at the next. "Do you have a washroom? I really need to go, it's an emergency!". "Sorry sir, our washroom is for registered guests only.". "What?? Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME??" Anyway, to my shock the guy wouldn't budge. FUCK.
So I jump back in the car and peel out to head back where I saw the sign for a hospital. We find it and pull in and I screech to a stop at the curb by the emergency entrance. I leave my wife in the car and yell over my shoulder as I'm running "Go park!!". I burst through the doors all frantic and immediately bee-lined for the washroom. Just in time!!! I locked the door, dropped my pants and the scene from there probably looked like the "shitbrick" bathroom scene from the first American Pie movie... I just let 'er go!!! OMG!!
After that mind blowing relief, I quickly cleaned up, noticed I was leaving a hell of a stink behind (hehe) as I left that washroom. I acted totally calm and casual as I walked out past the waiting room and back out the doors.
Whew.
Suffice to say I will NEVER travel the Edmonton <---> Cold Lake route on Christmas Day ever again!! |
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| Arikara1985 |
| ^^^If that was me, I would have just dropped my pants and shit on their floor. I wouldn't care if I had to pay the cleaning bill for that. |
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| euro777 |
this is another good one.
i have two friends and they are brothers 1 yr b/w them.
older brother still gives younger brother a hard time even though the age diff now in our mid 20's is nothing.
so the older brother gets out of the shower, puts on a robe and goes and wakes up the younger brother by flicking his lights on and off. once the younger bro wakes up the older bro kinda points his ass out and lets a big fart out and in the process pushes out a mini turd that plops right onto the floor of his brothers room.
wake up, here is your morning turd. |
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| jordanturbo |
Well I am lactose intollerant, so keep this in mind when you read.
We were working at a friends shop one evening, and at about 10 we decide it is time to go for supper. so we goto Denny's on 178 and Stony since it is right by his shop. Me not thinking anything of it, and having a bit of a sweet tooth that day decide instead of having real food, I am going to have an oreo milkshake and a brownie sundae, plus one of a friends miniburgers when he was not looking. It was very delicious.
After supper we go back to the shop to tinker on a car, we are at about 107th ave and 184th st when I feel the stomach grumbles, and I remember Oh shit! I forgot to take my lactade pills today! Unfortunately this shop doesnt have any washrooms, and the only form of relief is the parking yard outside the door. I really didnt want to leave since we were making good progress, so I thought I would try and relieve some pressure by just taking a piss in the yard.
I did this and it seemed to help a bit, so I went back to work. A few minutes later I feel the pain come back on even harder. I could not even stand up strait. It was painful. There was no way I was gonna hold it longer, so I hobbled to my car, inards gurgling, and sphyncter pinched. I get into the car, and drive to the harveys on 170th and 107th ave and did a waddle sprint into the washroom, there was no holding it any longer. As I come through the door I see an "Out of Order" sign on the only stall. I couldnt believe my fuckin luck.
There was no way I could hold it more than a few seconds, and I was not about to take a shit in the urinal since that could end up akward if someone walked in. So I ripped down the sign, and twisted back the lock using these poor excuses of fingernails (I bite them) I burst into the stall only to find the toilet backed up, and covered in shit. Why the fuck did I eat dairy? There was no stopping it now though, i could feel it start to run inbetween my cheeks, so I dropped to pants, squatted and let go. The toilet was messy to begin with, but after i got through round 1 the entire stall was a mess, the toilet, the back, the walls, and the floor all covered in brown runny slime. The only thing that didnt actually get hit in there suprisingly was me or my clothes. My bum burned just as bad as the peoples eyes that had to clean it if it is any constilation to them. I wipe my ass, TP sitting above the toilet rim because it is so backed up, but I could not flush it partially because I was scared that it would overflow more, and second, because the lever was covered in shit.
I walk out of the stall, thankfully it seemed no one had came in. So I twisted the lock back in place, and put the sign in its original position. As I was walking out of the washroom, a left a $20 on the counter with a girl working there, and she asked what it was for? I replied "Someone is going to find out at the end of the night, and I am sorry" I left her there standing kind of stupified.
I then walked out to my car, in a waddle again, to drive over to the tim hortons on 178th st for round 2. fortunatley their toilets were working fine, and i did not feel obligated to leave them a bit tip, though I did buy myself an Iced Cap, and it was epic. |
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| JoshP2002 |
Wow, your a good person for leaving a bill behind at least.
I work in the ditches a lot in my truck.. so after eating at burger baron and hitting the road, I know I have to crap. I held it in for a half hour, but came to my stop and knew it would not stay like that all day so I jumped into the back of my truck (F250 with a working canopy), unload all of my tools from my work bucket, put a bag in and let it go.
It was relieving, and I had those blue paper towel rolls, so that helped too. |
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| sliptank |
I was debating about including myself in this little discussion and then I decided that a little humility never hurt anyone.. so here goes..
So, I've had alot of intestinal problems..long story, not gonna go into it but it involves a benign tumor.. but a few years back I actually ended up in emergency surgery and lost about 12 feet of small intestine. So as a result, my body had to readjust to all sorts of foods and stuff and I even became slightly lactose intolerant as a result (it's gotten better over the years).. so yeah it wasn't uncommon for an wave of "oh fuck I have to shit" to just sneak up and hit me..
so the week after the surgery, when I am still recovering at the hospital, I finally had managed to get up around, tape a plastic bag over my IV, and make it down to the shower room at the end of the hall so I could quit stinking of BO and actually feel a bit better. this was going quite well for me until about midway through when i realized I had to shit.
now let me clarify, at this point..when I had to shit, there was no chance of stopping it; not even a minute option of "oh wait, i'll hold this and hobble down to the nearest washroom". so i weighed my options. I could either try to rush from the shower stall completely naked, and make it down the main hallway to the washroom by the nurses station; however I couldn't really run and there was a high probably of a shitstorm (pun intended) starting if I went this way. So I decided this wasn't viable.. I thought about shitting in the dirty linens basket, but again I'd feel bad... then a flash of brilliance hit me. the shower drain! this was about the time my sphincter finally gave way and the shower drain it was. Thankfully most of it made it's way down the shower drain, and the detachable shower head allowed me to hose the rest down...
I then calmly finished my shower, squeezed a pile of body wash down the drain to kill the smell, and then left the room. I told no one, and apparently they were none the wiser.. |
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| Blackout-spec |
| i dont care what anyone says, i bet 99% of ppl have stories like this but are too afraid to say anything. whatever, it happens to everyone some point in life. my brother had a good story, im just trying to remember it well enough to post it and make sense. |
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| THUD |
Lol these are funny stories so here another one, I was living in an apartment with an Ex GF and it was morning and I was farting lots and I was stinkin up the bed a bit and we cuddling so she kicked me outta bed cause they were bombs.
I was giggling and she was flapping the blankets to shake the smell out and I stood in the door way to the bed room and gave a big super hero pose and said here's a BIG one when a shit rocket flew out and splattered on the floor, lol man it still make's me laugh I so wish I have a picture of my face cause I ran into the bathroom and had a shit storm like the one in Dumb&Dumber.
I could hear her laughing and saying how gross and I better clean that up quik but for but 10mins I was in hell and embarrassed too, lol ya she lafffed for about 2 hours when she started to complain of massive gas cramps then suddenly pooped her panties a bit and had her turn at the run's, that was the last time I have ever had popcorn chicken from KFC. :beer: :lol: |
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| Blackout-spec |
| my gf is in Europe right now and she just coincidently sent me a bad shit story she had there, i dont know if i should post it as its not my story to tell, but haha you never hear the bad stories girls have to tell! |
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| Soulfly |
One time I was at work...
And the Guys wanted some Coffee.. So.. I went to timmies, Grabbed some Coffee for the guys and a Hot Chocolate and a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel, Toasted with Butter.. So.. on my way back, I'm eating my bagel.. then We stand around waiting for the Cement truck to show up so we can start grouting.. Well I finish my Hot Chocolate.. and I start to feel Not so good... I start getting gassy.. and farting.. then it hits me. The next 'fart' I try to push out wants to be a liquid... So I'm like, "oh fuck...". I'm looking around for a porta-pottie... the one I see is on the other side of this school field which has like 4 soccer fields in it.. So It's obviously too far. Then Since I HAVE to GO like RIGHT NOW.. I run down this ally way.. and I whip down my coveralls and start letting the shit sputter out of my ass... As I'm relieving myself of this disaster mixture... This dog walks over and starts barking it's ass off... And at this time, I'm worried the owner of this house is about to come walking out and wonder what the fuck I'm doing... So.. I push the rest out.. Grab my nice new pair of welding gloves I was wearing and Wiped my ass, and left the gloves on top of my nice pile... Then, Since I felt 100% better.. I just went back to work like nothing happened.. But Still worried about someone walking over and asking about a guy who just shit by their garbage bins..
HAhaha.. Good times.. "When you gotta go, You GOTTA Go".
If I released my disaster on someone you know or may know of.. Please tell them I'm sorry... But.. Like I said before.. When you gotta go.... :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| BRITAIN1.8 |
I was sick...but that never stopped me from passing up taking the boat out.. So we go to Wobamun and I'm in the tube bouncing up and down.. My idiot sister is driving and my dad is just chilling not bothering to SPOT ME.. They're oblivious. I can fall off the tube and they wont notice for like 5 minutes. They've left me and my friends so far behind i cant see the boat..
So. I'm out on the tube and I realize i needed to go NOW. I confused my stomach grumbles with the up and down motion of the tube. I cant wait and I'm not shitting on the tube. So I bail cartwheeling across the water shitting myself and I found an ounce of strengh to hold it for another 5 seconds.. I had time to whip off my shorts and tuck my legs in... I let er rip. I'm glad the shit sank... cause if it floated that woulda been embarassing... I swam away from it and put my short back on and noone was the wiser.
hehehee.
I once took a shit in the snow cause we were ice fishing in the middle of the lake... I took the shit then lost my balance and fell over backwards.. I managed to give a little hop so I didnt fall into the shit. |
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| Stainless |
Just before Christmas this year I went skiing to Marmot with my uncle and cousin. I don't know what I ate the night before, but I could feel it percolating in my gut all the way to the hill. I almost didn't make it through the ticket line, but managed to give one last squeeze to hold everything in.
I immediately hit the toilets, and thought I got everything out.
Fast forward a few hours later, and I find myself still a little gassy, but otherwise fine.
If you aren't familiar with Marmot, there is a section of hill that is off the beaten path called the rock garden. I'm not an expert skiier, but I can handle some pretty technical stuff. Unless I have an upset stomach...
About halfway down, I had to really put some huge effort in to a turn, and let out what I thought was a fart. It took a few seconds to realize that there was way too much moisture. It wasn't super bad, nothing left the general cheek area, but I was halfway up a mountain with a shitty diarrhea crack and no toilet paper.
I'm glad that no one came by, because I don't know how I'd explain being topless with ski pants halfway off, and a crap covered t-shirt in my hand! Sad thing is, that was my favorite shirt, and now it's probably sitting under a tree, poo covered and never to be found again. |
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| NATO |
What the heck... no one here knows me and there have been plenty of stories worse than mine, so here goes...
It was about 8 years ago in high school and I was battling a bit of the flu for a couple days. I was lying in bed, semi-awake, with an upset stomach one morning before school and felt like I had to fart so I let 'er rip. It wasn't just air, that's for sure. I woke up instantly after that and jumped out of bed and quick ran to the bathroom to take a shower and get cleaned up. The only question was what to do with the boxers that had been 'dirtied'. I can't remember why, but I ended up putting them in an old ice cream bucket and set it out beside the trash on my way to school.
It was a very cold day that day, and my mom happened to look out the window as I placed the bucket by the trash cans. I guess the boxers were still warm and she wondered what could've been in the steaming bucket that I put out there, so she went out and checked for herself. She ended up calling the school and telling them to send me home. She said I had obviously had a rough morning, so she let me sit around the house and watch movies for the day.
I guess moms can put up with everything! |
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| Graphicdude |
I didn't shit myself but it is a good story I think :D
A bunch of years back I was on a golfing trip with some friends. We drank our asses off the night before and went over to my Friend's Aunties place for breakfast the next morning. I was hung over so I was farting some lethal sour gas from my asshole all morning. I didn't think anything of it since this was a usual symptom of drinking the night before.
So we are at his Aunties house, eating an epic breakfast when I feel a lethal shit coming. Being a gentleman, I didn't want to lace one in her house because I knew it was going to be a doozey. So I held it the whole time we were there.
Once we left I told my friend, who was driving, to hit the closest bathroom, ASAP. By then I was sweating, cramping, heavy breathing. I knew this shit was going to be a bomb. So we roll into a Dairy Queen and I b-line it to the toilet. Luckily there was no one in the stall.
I launched a rocket from my ass and laid out the longest fart I have ever done in my entire life. I swear it was like 2 minutes long. Worst part was my friends decided it was convenient time to take a piss. So they heard every thing. They started laughing at me, of course I start laughing and the fart continued, fully synched to my laughter.
It reeked so bad in that bathroom and the ride home was terrible. I still couldn't stop farting all the way home and the worst part was the stink lingered in his car for weeks. Lucky it was a company car. I was so ripe that day. It was awful. |
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| Casanova |
Wow, I am shocked at the sheer number of guys that have shit their pants. And everyone is willing to share.
I shit my pants once when I had the flu, I coughed and liquid shit shot out.
My one year old son shit today as he sat in the living room, and it shot up his back into the air and down onto the floor in a little puddle. haha. |
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| jordanturbo |
I think most people saw your thread, they just don't want to acknowledge your existance, so they chose to ignore your thread and wait for someone else to post one with similar content, hense its higher post count than yours.
basically you fail at life yet again. |
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| AudiInProgress |
| Or it was just a couple months ago, had fallen off the front page, and was in a completely different section - and everybody is too lazy to use the fucking search. I don't fail. I own you, I own this forum, I own the fucking internets. Try to tell me otherwise. I'll grind you into the dust of the past. |
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| jordanturbo |
quote:
Originally posted by AudiInProgress
, I own the fucking internets. Try to tell me otherwise. I'll grind you into the dust of the past.
I'm pretty sure that noone owns the internet, hense your retarded arguments on post content, but whatever floats your boat. And the last time I watched shrek the third, i'm positive i did not see a computer in your shack, and somehow i fail to see how someone can own the internet and still be so poor that they have to go smash the buttons of library computers with their steaks for fingers since they cannot afford a computer of their own with the measly wages paid to people who troll bridges. |
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| Graphicdude |
quote:
Originally posted by AudiInProgress
HEY FAGGOT
Next time, use the search button, you'd be amazed what's already been discussed here.
http://forums.780tuners.com/showthr...;threadid=76897
I knew this but this thread was different from your because it was about shitting your pants. Then it progressed into general shit stories. I understand your frustration, but it's ok Rob.....
Sorry Rob, I couldn't resist :D On a serious note....
Maybe we should have them merged. And later publish it into a coffee table book. This would make for a great conversation piece I think. Hours of shit stories....priceless! |
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| Beerking |
| ^^lol, don't phuck with the graphics desginer, haha |
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| EDISKRAD EHT |
I had the Flu a couple years ago, and was over at my girlfriends house so she could keep care of me. I was puking every hour, and just felt absolutely horrible. I was having cold sweats and everything. I woke up in the middle of the night and thought I was just REALLY sweaty.
Ended up, I shit the bed in my sleep.
So I crab walked to the bathroom cleaned up what I could. It was pretty well like water anyway, so there was no marks on the bed or anything. I had to get into some clean dry clothes and have a shower now, but I didn't want to wake her up. So I grabbed a bunch of plastic grocery bags and placed them over the seat in my truck, and drove back to my place to shower and change.
I got back to her place and she was still sleeping. So I slept the rest of the night on the couch. When she woke up I told her she should wash her sheets because I was sweating bullets all night.
That's up there with one of the shittiest nights of my life.:lol: :lol:
quote:
Originally posted by Graphicdude
Gold :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| AudiInProgress |
quote:
Originally posted by Beerking
^^lol, don't phuck with the graphics desginer, haha
haha
i'll try to remember that in the future
<3 |
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| 95EagleAWD |
So this one is from like 6 weeks ago.
I didn't actually shit myself. But it was disturbingly close.
We were out for our FOB (forward operating base) exercise at the end of BMQ. You're out at this base for four days, eating nothing but IMPs. IMPs are the newest military ration, and they lick balls big time. They're fucking awful. And for some reason, they seize me up. It's gotta be the bread in them, but whenever I eat them, I can't shit for anything. So yeah, it's been four days since I took a shit. Needless to say, my system's a little backed up.
Now the military, with it's great sense of humour, makes us walk back to the base from here. Conincidentally, the morning we walk back, I get the nice little urge to shit. Nothing urgent, but it's there. So I grab my tac-vest and rucksack and C7 and load up. It must have been the hundred pounds on my back that sent it downwards, but when we started marching home, the urge got stronger. The best part was I could tell I wasn't alone. The look of panic on a few faces around me was a small comfort. So we walked and talked about how much we had to shit for 2 hours and change. 13 kilometers.
Here's the combat load:
And holy fuck, by the time we got back, I was ready to blow up. We got to the barracks, ran up the stairs, threw my rifle on my bed, tossed the rucksack and made a b-line for the shitter. There's six stalls in there, and thank God I got one... It was the nastiest shit of my life, and I got to share it with five other guys, who were also having pretty nasty shits. We were laughing, farting and shitting all over the place. The smell was terrible. Probably would have killed a small child had one walked in. It was just awful.
But the icing on the cake was about halfway through, I had a great idea. I thought it was brilliant. Until I realized that we all did it. Every single one of us walked out of that bathroom with our nuke/chem/gas masks on to try and block out the smell.
Yes, already, the Army's fucked.
Here's the IMPs I was talking about : This is a week's worth of food stuffed into one ziploc bag. It's actually pretty gross when you think about it.
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| roadrash89 |
Ok this ones kinda gross but...
a couple years ago my cousins came over for one of there biannual visits. both of them are the same age as my brother and I and so there would always be fights between the 2 age groups.
Well my younger cousin was in the bathroom having a shower or something so me and my cousin that was my age decided to beat the piss out of my brother who was defenceless.
So we beat him up pretty bad and i was holding him down while my cousin would slap him in the face repeatedly. this went on for a little while and all of a sudden my cousin gets this devilish look on his face and tells me to hold my brother down really tight.
So my cousin squats over my brothers face with his nose literally in the crack of his ass... pants on of course, and he lets one go.
Needless to say i almost threw up with what i saw, and that was my cousins pants bulging from the shit that came out with my brothers face pressed against it.
We were only 13 or so at the time so we got in quite a bit of trouble from our parents and im pretty sure my brother is scarred for life, and will forever hold a grudge against my cousin. |
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| Graphicdude |
| :lol: that is fantastic!!! You mean bastard! |
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| Prudz_lude |
| :lol: hahahhahahaha that one is the best story i have heard so far. |
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| Karan |
| Hahahah thats gold! :bowdown: :lol: :thumbup: |
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| kevito_ |
| God damn, why are poo stories so funny?? haha... keep 'em coming! |
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| BRITAIN1.8 |
| hahaha. I was talking to my friend about this and he said that once he was ripping it on his quad and he had maddd gas. Anyways he lets one rip and apprently he partially shit himself over a set of whoops. The last whoop was pretty big and he had lost his concentration. He smoked the last whoop so hard and I guess he hit it right at the top or something.. The atv's seat bounced up into ass and just like the 1 year old a page or two back it came out the top of his pants and INTO his jersey and onto the seat. |
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