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Tucker tries buttsex, hilarity ensues: _
I spent the summer between my 2nd and 3rd year of college in South Florida,
suckling on the parental teat. It was the absolute prime of my “do anything
to get laid” phase. I was recently freed from a 4-year long-distance
relationship that began in high school, and wanted nothing more than to have
sex with as many girls as possible.
I was 21 at the time, and like all 21 year olds I was arrogant, naïve and
stupid. I knew nothing and thought I knew everything. I was getting laid on a
fairly regular basis, but it wasn’t because my game was any good; quite the
contrary, my game was awful. I was too dumb to realize that even though I
was “successful,” it was because I as tenacious as a pit bull and throwing
money around like a drunk Vietnamese at the OTB on payday, not because
I had any game. True game does not require money.
Most of the things I did that summer are not story worthy; you can only tell
the same, “I got drunk on Dom and fucked this hottie” story so many times
before it gets annoying. Every random sex situation you can imagine I
experienced that summer: f@cking on the beach, getting head from random girls
in club bathrooms, getting so drunk I passed out during sex, getting arrested
for receiving fellatio in the pool at the Delano, blah, blah, blah. Of
course, what does it say about how fucked up my life is that I don’t consider these
stories to be noteworthy anymore?
While most of my stories may not be worthy of re-telling, there is one very notable exception…
I was seeing one girl, “Jaime,” about twice a week. She was a
fresh arrival to South Beach, having moved there 5 months ago from upstate
New York as a 19 year old with a modeling contract. We met through a mutual
friend who befriended her on a modeling gig, and introduced us. Five weeks
and lots of sex later, she thought we were dating. I knew better, but she was
way too hot to bother correcting her assumption.
The ex-girlfriend of 4-years I previsouly spoke about was very sexually conservative. It was missionary in the
dark and then straight to sleep, with maybe a blowjob on the weekends if
she’d had a few glasses of wine with dinner. After four years of this, I was
ready to experience all the things I’d missed out on (when I wasn’t cheating
on her, of course). Buttsex was one of these unknowns, and after spending my
boarding school years watching Danyel Cheeks take it up the pooper with
aplomb in sticky Times Square booths, I decided that I wanted to try it.
Jaime was the perfect partner: very hot and very sweet, and more importantly,
very naïve and very open to suggestion.
I went to work on her quickly. She was reluctant at
first, not understanding why we just couldn’t keep having normal sex, so I
had to employ my persuasive powers:
“I’ve never done it either; it can be our thing.”
“Everyone’s doing it. It’s the ‘in’ thing.”
“You won’t have to worry about getting pregnant.”
“It’s the preferred method in Europe. Especially with the runway models.
Don’t you want to do runways in Milan and Paris?”
After a few weeks of this, she finally consented. Though she agreed
to let me put my penis in her small hole, she extracted a promise in return:
“OK, we can try anal sex, but I want it to be special and romantic. You have
to take me out to a nice place, like The Forge or Tantra, NOT one of your
parent’s restaurants, and it has to be a weekend night, NOT a Monday. And you
have to keep taking me out on weekends. I’m tired of being your Monday night
girl.”
If I could make this stuff up, I’d be writing best-selling
fiction instead of this stuff.
I made reservations for the next Friday at Tantra. Aside from being insanely
expensive, Tantra is famous for having grass floors. Really; they put in new
sod every week. They also advertise their food as “aphrodisiac cuisine.” Yes,
at that point in my life I thought these things worked.
Thanks to my father’s connections, I got us a corner booth in the grass room.
She was quite impressed. I ordered like it was the Last Supper. No expense
was spared. Two $110 bottles of Matanzas Creek merlot, veal rack, stone crabs, the
Tantra Love platter--it was insanely lavish and decadent. But I was 21,
stupid, and wanted to f@ck Jaime in the butt. I wasn’t about to let a $400
tab get in my way.
By the time we left Tantra, this girl had doe eyes that would have made Bambi
looked like a herion-chic CK model. She could not have been more in love with
me. The entire drive back to my place she was rubbing my crotch, telling me how
badly she wanted to me to f@ck her, how hot I made her, etc, etc. We get back to my place and our
clothes are off before we even get in the door. We collapse on the bed and
start f@cking. Normal vaginal sex at first.
Now, what she did not know, and what I
have not told you yet, was that I had a surprise waiting for her.
[Aside: Before I tell you what the surprise was, let me make this clear: As I
stand right now, I am a bad person. At 21, I was possibly the worst person in
existence. I had no regard for the feelings of others, I was narcissistic and
self-absorbed to the point of psychotic delusion, and I saw other people only
as a means to my happiness and not as humans worthy of respect and
consideration. I have no excuse for what I did; it was wrong and I regret it.
Even though I normally revel in my outlandish behavior, sometimes even I cross the line, and this is one of those situations. Anyway…
As this was going to be my first time foraging in the ass forest, I wanted to
have a reminder of my trip, a memento I could carry with me the rest of my
life…I decided to film us.
I was afraid she would decline, so instead of being mature and discussing
this with Jaime, I just made the executive decision to get it on camera…without telling her.
That alone is pretty bad. But instead of just setting up a
hidden camera…I got my friend to hide in my closet and film it.
No really--I know that I will burn in hell. At this point, I’m just hoping that my
life can serve as a warning to others.
I left my door unlocked and we arranged it so that around midnight he would
go over to my place and wait until my car pulled in, and then run into the
closet and get the camera ready. The top half of the closet door was a French
shutter, so it was easy to move the slats so that he could get a decent
camera shot through the door.
By the time Jaime and I got on the bed, I was so drunk I had forgotten that
he was filming this, and of course she had no idea he was there. After a few
minutes of standard sex, she kinda stopped and said, all serious and in her
best seductive soap opera voice, “I’m ready.”
I quickly flipped her over and grabbed the brand new bottle of AstroGlide I
had on my bedside table. A week prior, after Jaime consented to buttsex, I
consulted several gay waiters who worked at The Astor about the mechanics of
buttsex, and each one recommended AstroGlide as the lubricant. Much to my
dismay, I learned that spitting on your dick is not enough lube for buttsex.
Stupid, lying porn movies.
The problem was that though it was easily the best lubricant on the market,
they really didn’t give me any specific instruction on how to use it, and
AstroGlide doesn’t come with instructions either.
So here I was, completely naked, a nude girl bent over on her hands and knees
in front of me ready to take me in her ass, a big bottle of AstroGlide in one
hand and my dick in the other, completely unsure of what to do.
The one piece of advice I remembered was from Calvin, “Make sure you use
enough, because if this is her first time, she’ll be especially tight, and it
might hurt her. Use enough to really loosen her up and go slow until she gets
used to it.”
Well, since some is good, more is better, right? At 21, this seemed logical.
I opened the cap, crammed the bottle top into her asshole, and squeezed. I
probably emptied half of the 4-ounces of AstroGlide into her. I have since
learned from homosexuals that a 4-ounce bottle usually lasts at least 6
months. So yeah--I overdid it.
But Tucker Max wasn’t done. Oh no, after depositing enough grease in her to
run a Formula One racecar, I dumped half of what remained onto my cock and
balls. After all, I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. Really--think about
my thought process: I was filming myself f@cking her in the butt without her
consent, yet I was truly concerned about her personal comfort. Sometimes the
contradictions in my personality amuse me.
Predictably, I slid in with ease. She was a little tense at first, but with
an Exxon Valdez size load oiling her poop chute, she quickly loosened up and
got into it. I liked it also; it had a different feel to it. Not as good as
vaginal sex, a little grainy, but still very nice. Before I knew it I was
f@cking her like the apocalypse was imminent, burying it to the hilt with
impunity.
After a few minutes I was ready to come. My urgency was expressed in my
tempo, and I began really jackhammering her. As the excitement got the best
of me, I pulled out too far and my dick came out of her ass. I kinda
scrambled to grab my dick and put it back in so I could finish off, but
before I could even really get a hold of it and put it back in her ass, I
heard a faint “psssst” sound and felt something wet hit my crotch.
It was dark in the room (I was not smart or sober enough to leave the lights
on for the camera), so after I looked down it took me a few seconds to
realize that my dick, balls and groin area were covered in a viscous black
liquid. I stopped moving and stared at my strangely colored crotch for a good
5 seconds, completely confused, until I realized what happened:
“Did you…did you just…shit on my dick?”
I reached down to touch the liquid feces, still in complete and utter
disbelief that this girl shot explosive diarrhea on my penis, when, without
warning, the smell hit me.
I have a very sensitive olfactory sense, and I have never been more repulsed
by a smell in my life. The horribly indescribable combination of plastic
AstroGlide and rancid stench of raw fecal matter combined to turn my stomach,
which was full of seafood and wine, completely over.
I tried to hold it back. I really did everything I could to stop myself, but
there are certain physical reactions that are beyond conscious control.
Before I knew what I was doing, it just came out:
“BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”
I vomited all over her ass. Into her crack. Into her asshole. On her ass
cheeks. On the small of her back. Everywhere.
She turned her head, said, “Tucker, what are you doing?,” saw me vomiting on
her, screamed “Oh my God!,” and immediately joined me:
“BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”
Watching her throw up on my bed made me vomit even more. Her chucking all
over my bed, me hurling on her ass, the next step was almost inevitable.
I heard the loud [CRASH] first, turned to see my friend break through the
shutters and rip the closet door off as he, the video camera, and the door
tumbled out of the closet and crashed onto the floor next to us:
“BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”
The memory of the 2-second span where all three of us were vomiting at once
is permanently seared into my brain. I have never heard anything like that
symphony of sickness. I think the crowning moment was when my eyes locked
with Jaime’s, I saw her moment of realization and then the quick shift to complete
and irreparable shock and anger. Between bouts of hurling she flipped out:
“OH MY GOD--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--YOU FILMED THIS, YOU ASSHOLE-- BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH-- HOW COULD YOU-- BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--OH MY GOD-- BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--I LET YOU f@ck ME IN THE ASS--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH.”
She tried to stand up, slipped on the huge puddle of backflow AstroGlide on
the bed, and fell into both my pile and her pile of vomit, covering her body
and hair in vomit, shit and anal lubricant. She flailed on the bed for a
second, grabbed the top sheet, wrapped it around her, and started running out
of my place. Still naked and retching, my dick covered in shit and oil, I
followed her as far as my front door.
The last contact I ever had with her is the image I witnessed of her in a dead sprint, a
shit, vomit and grease stained sheet stuck to her body, running from my
apartment. |
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| BlueTurboEGG |
| Thaaat was NASTEEEEEE :D |
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| -]TooL[- |
| thats pretty damn funny and sickly at the same time |
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| superpirate25 |
| Ahahhahhhahahhahahhaha :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: That was f@cking hilarious! |
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| DeathBy240 |
| I was just about to go eat... f@ck.... thats nasty. |
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| VerbotenZ34 |
Wow, that is so nasty and so funny at the same time!
Wait a sec, I feel kinda weird,...
“BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”
:puke: :puke: :puke:
Verboten |
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| Transporter |
| it was interesting at start then it cam to all out gong show of vomit picturing it was making me sick.... |
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| lovemytrx |
So do you ever wonder what happened to her? She may have connections and have you whacked. You left an indelible and undescribably painful memory for that girl. I bet to this day that brown door is closed.
Funny and disgusting. Whatever happened to the videotape? |
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| superpirate25 |
quote:
Originally posted by lovemytrx
Funny and disgusting. Whatever happened to the videotape?
According to the story the lights were accidentaly left off. I think I would have destroyed the tape anyways. :puke: :puke: :puke: |
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| REFLUX |
| I assumed that these stories were fictional? |
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